


Laws of Attraction

by Elder_Mctapdance



Series: Acts of Attraction [1]
Category: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Betrayal, Caffeine Addiction, Denial of Feelings, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Homophobic Language, Jealousy, M/M, Minor Violence, Nursing, Oral Sex, Slow Burn, Underage Drinking, dance performance, mcpriceley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2017-10-02
Packaged: 2018-11-04 18:11:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 22,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10996233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elder_Mctapdance/pseuds/Elder_Mctapdance
Summary: It's been two months since the missionaries were excommunicated but it had been a difficult six months for Connor McKinley who was finally coming to terms with his sexuality, and his unlikely crush, and the fact it would be forever unrequited. Little did he know Kevin was having some doubts for himself...





	1. Sweat

The sun rose once again on the searching planes of rural Uganda, illuminating the mounting piles of bodies- both human and otherwise- as well as the stunted buildings that were splattered about. People were already pacing the streets, struggling to find enough work to earn the shillings needed to feed their families mouths. Among the derelict streets stood a building that, although still as disheveled as the rest, rose above the rest like the God that had once been worshiped there. The sign that once bore the phrase ‘The church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints’ had now been crudely redone to remind the village of the changes that Arnold Cunningham had brought upon them.

Kevin Price sat underneath the largest tree he could find, hoping that the shade would offer some sort of respite from the unrelenting heat. 6 months in Uganda and he still wasn't used to the climate change. Orlando wouldn’t be this warm- he shook his head. This was where he was meant to be. He cradled the red fronted book that had taken so long to come back from the printers. The Book of Arnold was a completely uninspired name choice by his beloved travel companion but he couldn’t blame him- he’d changed the minds and hearts of so many people with these far-fetched stories. 

“You look really concentrated buddy, what’s got you down?” Arnold grinned, leaning over into Kevin’s personal space to look into his companion's eyes. 

Kevin scoffed and shoved Arnold’s shoulder, shooting him into Nabulungi who gasped in shock as she caught her boyfriend in an embrace. Kevin averted his eyes, jealousy piercing his chest. Naba and Arnold had been together nearly two months now and Kevin hadn’t even found anyone here who he was attracted to or who seemed interested in him. For heavenly father’s sake, look at him! He was pretty perfect, even if he said so, so this was irking him to no end. 

“Hey buddy!” A chirpy voice followed by a shock of water to his face stunned him out of his self absorbed mental rant. 

Kevin spluttered unceremoniously, swiping angrily to clear his eyes before glaring up at his hydro-assaulter. His eyes were met with the sight of Elder Mckinley grinning boyishly down at him clutching a dirty and battered plastic cup that no doubt had been full up until a few seconds ago.

“Good one Elder M!” Arnold jumped up and gestured for them to high five which was willingly obliged by both of them.

“Elders seriously?! Some of us are actually working!”

“Kevin I wrote the book you are studying! For once, I’m the awesomest”

“Arnold, awesomest is not a word”

“Yes it so is. I might even rewrite The Book of Arnold just to add it in” Arnold pouted, sticking his tongue out childishly at Kevin.

“You can’t! We’ve handed out so many already and it took forever to get the copies back from the US”

“I can do what I want, I’m the best”

“I think that’s-”

Their elevating love filled bickering was reaching a new high, even to Arnold’s ever loving girlfriend but even she didn’t welcome the forthcoming interruption. A shadow cast down on the group, causing all four to turn to look towards the source. Elder Butt Fucking Naked, or Ben as they had more than happily renamed him when he was baptised into the church, stood just off to the side of them. His rifle, which he had _insisted_ that he be allowed to keep after adhering to the rules of disbanding his terror group, was slung haphazardly across his shoulder. Of course Arnold had told him time and time again that there was no need to keep it considering he was the only terror they had needed protection from.

“Do we not have somewhere to be getting to, Elder Cunningham and Sister Nabulungi?” 

The couple shot slightly reluctant looks to the remainder of their happy group before standing up and moving towards the intimidating Elder. It had seemed that the Elder had taken to The Book of Arnold more than everyone else, putting more effort and an excess of surprise into the work. Apparently once he was passionate for one thing, he poured his heart into his work. The dedication, although Arnold was glad he wasn’t killing anyone, was just as scary as his former line of work.

“I-I’m sorry Elder Price. I didn’t know it would upset you that much”

Kevin looked once again towards the mission leader, taking the sight of him in. Poor Elder was scrawny and a bit sickly considering how long he had spent in Uganda- you’d think the poor kid would have been able to retain some sort of tan by now. He wasn’t going to get any woman with that look. Maybe Kevin could help him sort his appeal out a bit. In the time that he’d known him the only interaction of a female kind had been with Nabulungi but that couldn’t be counted. She only had eyes for one guy.

“Elder Mckinley whilst it was uncalled for, I’m grateful. This heat and white shirts don’t really seem to work well together” Elder Price chuckled, pulling at his shirt in an attempt to lift the shirt from his slick skin.

Connor’s eyes drifted down almost unconsciously, mentally taking in the sight of Kevin’s shirt stuck to him in all of the right places. Thank god for Ugandan heat. _No. Turn it off._ His head snapped up to meet the taller Elder’s eyes and he cemented on his typical facade.

“Oh don’t worry about that Elder! I’m sure you won’t get many complaints!” Connor smiled before mentally hitting himself. Connor that is not off! As long as he was noticing how gloriously muscled the Elder was, even if it was passing it off as a stupid compliment, it was definitely _not_ off. 

“Yes of course Elder! I shouldn’t have to deprive the Ugandans from looking at me” Kevin realised combing his fingers through his hair unconsciously. It was getting a bit too long now but barbers weren’t really a necessary commodity in the middle of nowhere.

“Now Elder, it’s getting near to lunch so would you like to join the rest of us? I will be cooking so I can assure it definitely won’t be poptarts” Connor smiled warmly, hoping to project an air of friendship to the other. The conversation up until this point had been stilted and awkward.  
As if on cue Kevin’s stomach rumbled loudly, reminding him that he had skipped breakfast in an attempt to get both some quiet and space to study. He blushed lightly, rose tinting the tops of his cheeks as he laughed.

“I’m glad you mentioned something Elder. I think I would’ve starved to death otherwise”

Connor blushed as well, mimicking his counterpart but for entirely different reasons. How he’d love for him to- _No turn it off!!_ He swallowed but met Elder Price’s eyes once again.

“Elder Price please- We’ve known each other long enough now I believe. I would really appreciate it if you would call me Connor?”

Kevin looked a little taken aback as he replayed the sentence in his mind but unfortunately to Connor’s untrained eyes what he saw was disgust and rejection. _Stupid, stupid turn it off off off!_  
“I-I mean... I- Elder Price, it’s disrespectful I’m sorry-”

“I’ve never heard your name before Eld- Connor. Connor, please offer me the same.” Kevin laughed lightly “Sorry, it’s like hearing your teacher's name for the first time”

Connor let out a shuddering breath, the relief coursing through his veins that thrummed to life. Being near any attractive guy seemed to give him this effect but it was so, so much worse around Kevin. 

“Kevin” The Elder grinned, sticking his hand out towards the starstruck elder who shook it after a second.

Connor repeated the name softly to himself, rolling it around his tongue quietly. It worked perfectly for him. Handsome by name after all...

Kevin laid a hand onto Connor’s shoulder, offering him a heart melting smile whilst he did. “Let’s get back to the others before they send out a search party for their leader”

Connor practically died in that exact moment. If nothing else happened in his life he would be the happiest he had been in years in those 30 seconds. These thoughts were so wrong but so sinfully right. Even if he had messed everything else up in his life, he had this new mission and his new friends.

 _Friends_.


	2. Wet

_Kevin opened his eyes groggily, looking around himself self consciously. He didn’t know where he was but the place felt... familiar. A finger trailed down the lines of his neck, down to the base of his throat and back again. He swallowed back the need to moan, it had been so long since he’d last felt someone touch him. The finger was replaced by featherlight kisses- so light that he wasn’t even sure if they’d happened but the heat left behind was realer than anything he’d felt before. Once the glorious kisses had run the course that the digits had before, they retreated back so he felt the owners hot breath on his ear lobe. He could no longer contain the low moan that escaped him- he just wanted this mysterious person to touch him again._

_“Kevin...” A voice moaned into his ear. A feeling as cold and piercing as ice shot through his spine, curling into his stomach. The voice was not only male- but one of the mission leader, Connor Mckinley._

_“Ahhh Kevin Price. I don’t see you since the donut incident and then twice in one year. Well... that is what you tell people, right? The first and only hell dream you had was that one until that petty rule 72 incident”_

_Kevin tried in vain to turn his head to view the disembodied voice but there was no need, he already knew exactly who it belonged to._

_“Lucifer”_

_“Oh Kevin I love the way you say my name. Such anger. Such hurt”_

_“I’ve done nothing wrong this time! Why am I having this dream?!”_

_Lucifer chuckled darkly before thick black smoke began to seep from the floor and take on the form of two figures- one slightly smaller than the other. The smoke seemed to mould to each other, intertwining in a dance that was beautiful even with the presence of this dream. The smoke dipped and settled in a position half the height of the other and begun to take shape. The taller, even before looking in detail, would look identical to him he knew. This was his dream, after all._

_His smoke counterpart seemed to tip back his head, it’s mouth opening in a moan as the other shadow begun to come into focus._

_“No! Stop this, this isn’t me!”_

_“You aren’t stopping him Kevin. You seem to be enjoying it”_

_“I am not gay! That is a sin onto heavenly father’s name!”_

_“Yes but you are no longer a Mormon, correct? Just let yourself feel”_

_Before Kevin could even respond, he blinked and fully opened his eyes to feel a pair of hands resting on his thighs. The hands gripped onto the flesh like their lives depended on it. Kevin glanced down further, his eyes settling on a shock of red hair and the brightest eyes he had ever seen. His knees buckled slightly as the full feeling of this dream slammed into him, his dick at full attention and being pleasured expertly in the warm cavern of... another man._

_“Kev this is my first time... I’m sorry if this isn’t good for you”_

_Kevin went to open his mouth to let out the string of curse words to stop whatever was going on here but another deeper moan just pushed its way out anyway._

_“Fuck”_

_The words still left him but they were just breaths and moans. Nothing had ever felt this good before and he had had a few good attempts from some of the girls at his stupid Mormon camps._

_Kevin threaded his fingers through the older boys hair, holding him closer with each thrust he made into his mouth. The man was amazing, that couldn’t be denied. All he wanted to do was kiss his cherry red lips and make him moan as he was doing to him at that moment. He shook his head, feeling a horrific pressure in his chest. Realisation._

_“Elder... This is so wrong” Kevin grunted, shoving forcefully against the smaller boys shoulder. Connor lost his balance and fell hard which, in a regular dream would have been fine, caused him to fall to a doom filled with fire._

_Vicious chuckled exploded from around him, the closest one sounding exactly like his own. “Oh Kevin, you self righteous boy. This is not the last we have seen of each other. You are destined to burn with me. I look forward to it”_

_Nails begun to scrape every inch of him, blood exploded from every fresh cut that appeared in his usually pristine skin._

_“Beautiful Kevin. All gays spend eternity with me. You’re going to burn in hell”_

_A scream rung out, loud and long, and it took him a while to realise it was his own. The cuts turned to gashes to wounds to slices of his skin beginning to curl down towards the floor._

Kevin woke with a horrific start, breath catching in his throat. His hands roamed over his flesh checking from even the smallest evidence of his dream but everything was how it was when he went to sleep. He shifted slightly, causing himself to move against the sheet. He muttered angrily, glancing under the sheets to confirm his suspicions. The damp spot on his sheet was obvious enough but he had to confirm it with his own eyes. He gripped his member gently, thumbing the tip and sure enough coming away with wetness. _This was stupid. Nothing was remotely sexual in that dream! Disgusting yes! Not anything worth... this._

Feeling like a stupid pre-pubescent boy again, Kevin flung his sheet away from him and stalked to the corner. Thankfully he had had the foresight to collect water the day before- he was more than happy he didn’t have to walk around the village with an erection. He’d never live it down- literally. Although thankful for the cold water this morning, these ‘showers’ had been the hardest to adapt to. Yes, the food was nowhere near the level he’d had back in America but it was bearable. To not be able to shower and feel properly clean was horrific- especially his beloved hair.  
He made his way down the hall, reveling in the silence of the mission. As much as he loved his fellow elders, especially now they’d all stayed to spread the Book of Arnold, there weren’t many moments he managed to get alone. He reached the bathroom which unfortunately was only a room, several drains and a bucket. 

“I need a holiday soon, somewhere with running water. And a haircut” he muttered angrily to himself as he stepped in.

His toes touched the edge of the only stoned floor in the small mission (for obvious reasons) as his eyes locked onto another body in the room already. His eyes roamed over the bent over figure in front of him who was standing side on which gave full view. The figure was perfect, a back that curved perfectly into a delicious- The figure stood to it’s full height, giving Kevin chance to take in the one hidden area. The man’s member waved in the air slightly, the owner obviously having the same kind of morning as him. They were almost the same size, not that he usually compared, but for some reason this just caused the aching down below to double. Now he definitely felt the part of a horny 16 year old, considering this was a man...

Kevin dropped the stored water in shock, causing a dull thud to sound through the resonant bathroom. The figure turned with a gasp, covering their chest with their arm as if they were a woman, and turned their clear eyes onto Kevin. _Of course, after last night, the object of his hell dream was standing in front of him._ They were standing as close as they had in the said dream and he properly noticed the height difference between them.

“I-I’m sorry Elder- I thought no one else was around”

He span on his heel and fled as fast as he could with a towel wrap- shit. In the shock of it all, his towel had dropped. When and where he couldn’t remember. Had Connor seen him... naked? He guessed it was an eye for an eye after the amount h- Kevin cussed. This wasn’t good. He never focused on anyone this much, let alone a man. Let alone another man from the same mission. _Turn it off._  
\--  
Connor stood, staring after the frankly beautiful Kevin Price flee in embarrassment when surely it should have been himself. After all, the whole result of this ‘cleaning’ was due to the spectacularly bad hell dream he had been the star of that night. They had been steadily growing worse over the last 6 months that Kevin had been there. Yes, he’d had hell dreams about new elders before but they had been the star once before he’d managed to turn it off. Whether this new found string of dreams had been caused from the fact of The Book of Arnold being tolerant to homosexuals or that Kevin was just... gorgeous, he didn’t know.

He’d specifically asked Arnold to only write in a phrase about consensual relationships alongside the baby sleeping memo and both him and Nabulungi had given him smiling glances. Of all of the missionaries that were now involved in this particular part of Africa, they were the only two who were the closest to know his gay thoughts weren’t really that anymore. It was like he was beginning to have straight moments in his gay mind. Arnold had happily agreed, muttering so only they could hear that he’d always hated the passages about man laying with woman. Connor had lowered his head, a small smile on his face. In that moment he felt a fleeting acceptance which had soon been swallowed by self doubt.

He shook his head, determined not to let himself become caught up in those memories again. However much he felt accepted or natural in fleeting moments in his life, he always came back to the hell dream. His mind always went to how he was going to burn, die, hurt, just because he could no longer pretend that he was attracted to females like he had tried after the Steve Blade incident. Connor, with all of this self doubt and anger towards himself and his thoughts, could never be happy with himself. Not whilst he was trapped in his own mind.


	3. Trip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!  
> So whilst editing I realised I had miscounted the chapters so now you have 15 chapters of goodness to look forwards to!  
> ~Elder Mctapdance

Tonight Kevin’s hell dream could be heard through the mission. For the second night in a row, after so long of being completely dreamless, he began to dream vividly of both hell and the reason he had made it there. Somehow, when he had once again woken with a start and a tented sheet, he had managed to convince himself he was just unlucky. He hated the dark circles that ringed his eyes now and the red scratch marks that he rained upon himself during the nighttime.

“Rough night Elder?” A voice sounded from his right as he morosely bit into a dry piece of toast. He jumped and glanced towards the source and was glad to see Elder Thomas instead of Connor. He couldn’t put on a convincing act for at least another few hours.

He laughed humorlessly and resumed his breakfast “Something like that, yes”

“Hell dream?”

“Like no other” Kevin rested his head in his hands, wishing he could go back to bed and have a decent night for once.

“Yeah... we all guessed”

Kevin groaned deeply, laying his head on the table and folding his arms over his head. He’d known eventually they’d find out considering how real the pain was in the dream. Perhaps not this soon though. His mind drifted back to last night unconsciously,

_Light. For once the sunlight wasn't scolding, it was simply soothing him. The place they’d set everything up in wasn’t that bad either- at least it had running water._

_“Uncle Kevin!”_

_Kevin turned towards the voice, already having his arms spread wide, and enveloped the child in a tight embrace._

_“There’s my favorite”_

_“Hey! I thought I was”_

_Kevin stood before two pouting children, one around three years younger than the other. Nabulungi and Arnold had actually made some pretty kids he had to admit. The fact that he was their godfather wasn’t a scary fact anymore- they were like his own anyway. Dembe, the youngest at 5, was definitely his favourite but he would never admit it. Arnold had gotten his way with the first child though as the boy was named Lluc which, of course, was a variant of Luke. There was no way star wars wasn’t going to feature a little more in their lives._

_“You’re both my favourites, you know that”_

_“Apart from Uncie Connor”_

_Kevin grinned and blushed good naturedly, ducking his head. The children knew that they were both very close friends but not to what extent. Three years after they had first met and now they together in the loosest of terms. Kevin was sure that Connor had realised that he was still entirely freaked out by the idea of them being together so technically they were just friends who went on dates. And one day maybe a bit more. Kevin had to stop himself. He couldn’t be having those thoughts whilst near children._

_A scream burst through the gentle atmosphere and the scene suddenly shifted and dimmed, a dark fog suddenly descending on them all. Nabulungi staggered through the clearing in the trees, her normally pristine uniform splashed with crimson. With all the strength she could muster, she dragged her husband along with her._

_“Kevin!” She screamed once more, and continued to scream, as Kevin began to run to her._

_“Uncle Kevin!” Dembe screamed as an armed man appeared from nowhere and pulled her against his chest, pressing a knife to her throat with a sickening grin._

_“Kevin!” Connor yelled from a third direction, his voice cracking with emotion. A gun was being pressed forcefully into his temple as a single tear rolled down his cheek._

_“Choose”_

_Kevin looked between the four choices he had- the four directions- and fresh tears sprung to his eyes. Nabulungi was desperately trying to revive her husband with bursts of screams and yells as she did, tears falling into his fresh wound as she did. Small Dembe had now been slammed to the ground as the man traced her small features with his knife, a trail of red breaking out with each caress. Connor was crying openly now in a way Kevin had never seen before. His lips moved slowly, spelling out ‘Save them’ before creating a struggle large enough for the bullet to explode from the gun tearing a hole clean through his skull._

_Kevin took a small step towards his fallen companion with a small sob as everything around him went quiet. He blinked and in front of him lay five bodies that seemed infinitely small to him now. Nabulungi was still clutching her husband’s hand in death and Arnold’s features seemed oddly rested._

_Dembe’s clothing was completely wrecked, blood soaking from every inch of skin that was shown including- Kevin turned and emptied his stomach, the thought too repulsive for him to think about. His sweet godkids that he couldn’t even protect in this stupid dream. Sobs wracked his body as he crawled towards Connor and pressed his forehead against the cold of the older man’s._

_“Kevin, my sweet boy, this is becoming regular”_

_Lucifer glided across the room, stroking a hand gently on Kevin’s cheek, sending an icy shiver through him._

_“This isn’t right. Why are you punishing me?”_

_“Oh you deserve this. Your blatant homosexuality is having consequences on your life and others that surround you. If you really think this-” he splayed his fingers gracefully and gestured to the bodies “Isn’t going to happen, you are sorely mistaken”_

_The bodies all rose from the ground in one movement, all coming to stand in a circle around him._

_“Wait... I-”_

_Their faces had all contorted to give him looks of complete and utter hatred as they advanced and began to rip at his clothing and eventually skin._

_“Fag”_

_“Sinner”_

_“Cock Sucker”_

_“Fairy”_

_“Queer”_

_“Homo”_

_The blood poured from him in dots and splashes, covering the area in a downpour that blended into the ground as if it belonged there. Kevin didn’t belong. He was disgusting and immoral and- ___

__Kevin shook his head from the ordeal that had changed both his mood for the day and his general mindset. He could finally admit to himself that yes, he was having gay thoughts but it didn’t have to define him. There were plenty of cases of people like him continuing their faiths and lives whilst having these thoughts. As long as he turned it off._ _

__“It was abysmal. I can’t do it anymore” Kevin sighed heavily, finally lifting his head from the table and noticing that Elder Thomas was no longer in the kitchen with him. By allowing himself to remember that hell dream, he must have managed to sneak out. If Kevin were him he would have done that too. He was a state._ _

__He ran a hand down his face exhaustedly, pondering if all of this Book of Arnold stuff was worth it. No doubt his parents had heard the news months ago and their heavily Mormon neighbourhood were cursing his very name and the fact he was on a certain path for hell. He already knew he was destined for hell years ago but he’ll be damned, literally, if he was going to go lying down. Once he’d cleared the kitchen from his early morning breakfast, he strode back into his room which he now occupied on his own._ _

__Arnold had refused almost everything from just about everyone that had offered him various things in thanks of The Book of Arnold but there was only one offer he had taken. He now lived in a hut in the center of the village which he was now sharing with Nabulungi but he’d been told in no uncertain terms that it was purely for convenience. After the many times himself and other Elders had caught them in... concerning positions, he had happily moved out although he was still pivotal in all of their work. After all they were constantly making changes as they continued their work around the village and the villages that surrounded them._ _

__Kevin stripped down from his nighttime wear and placed it in a metal bucket with the rest of his dirty clothing- which now were beginning to overwhelm his clean things- before shrugging on another crisp white shirt. Unfortunately, like the barber's and the hot showers and everything else unessential, iron’s weren’t a thing he could easily access so he had to put up with hanging them out to dry in the midday sun. He slung a tie around his neck after pulling his last pair of black trousers- he definitely needed to do some washing- and began to haphazardly tie it as he walked from the mission. If the rest of the day was bust thanks to his hell dream, at least he could try some conversions._ _

__\--_ _

__He sighed with frustration, pulling lightly on his hair as he did so. Not one single person would speak to him, let alone let him explain about The Book of Arnold. It had to be the uniforms, he’d have to speak to Arnold about that. He loosened his tie as he stepped back through the mission’s door, the relief from the heated setting sun welcoming. They weren’t quite lucky enough to have air conditioning but they were in an area which was quite sheltered from the blazing heat. Glancing at his watch he realised most of the Elder would have had their main meal by now and made his way into the kitchen only to once again feeling his steps falter. Why did this man have to be everywhere?!_ _

__Elder Mckinley sat at the rickety old table, tugging his tie loose from his neck as he doodled absent mindedly on a piece of paper. Kevin had always been involved in conversations about the Mission leader and they had spoken highly of him in every single one. He was great at dancing, drawing, public speaking etc the list would go on. The man had no flaws as much as his character went. Connor hummed a happy tune as he did, his concentration clearly focused on his task. Kevin, believing it safe to pad past in his bare feet to collect something to eat out of his way, walked quietly behind the older man. Before he knew it, said feet were ripped out from under him as he landed squarely on his back._ _

__Groaning angrily, Kevin flopped his arm over his eyes at his stupidity. He could do nothing right, not even sneak past the ever continuing star in his nightly dreams._ _

__“Kevin!” Connor gasped as he flew from his seat and knelt by his shoulders, placing a hand gently on him._ _

__“I’m so sorry! Elder Church spilt something and he and I-” Connor stammered, tears beginning to pool in his eyes at the thought of him being the cause of this incident. He’d never forgive himself if anything were to happen._ _

__“It’s fine” Kevin barked, sitting up abruptly and nearly giving them both a new injury in the process. He couldn’t continue this. They were becoming too close in all senses of the word and it felt as if heavenly father were trying to say something to him. These thoughts had only begun when he’d begun to regard C-Elder Mckinley higher than he had before. A friend._ _

__“Kevin, you could have hurt your back!”_ _

__“I don’t care, Elder! If I have no pain I’m fine!”_ _

__Connor visibly flinched away from him as if he had witnessed the fire in his eyes and stood up quickly without looking back at him._ _

__“Sorry Elder Price, I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Have a good evening”_ _

__Kevin watched Connor’s retreating back, noticing his shoulders have sagged noticeably and the lightness had left his steps. He shouldn't be noticing these small changes-_ _turn it off_ _


	4. Count

Two Weeks. 14 days. 336 hours. 56 of those hours spent being tortured in his own mind. Kevin was about ready to pull all of his luscious hair out just to be rid of them. They always differed in styles of torture or levels of sexual content but there was always one recurring factor- Connor. The dark circles around his eyes were constantly present and he wondered every time he woke from another hell dream how Connor had lived with these dreams for nearly 10 years of his life, every single night since he was a child.

“Good morning Sisters and my darling Elders”

Kevin glared at his bland breakfast, despising how Connor would be so perky this early in the morning especially if he was still having these hell dreams.

“We have some new late, though none the less welcome, recruits! Please welcome Elder James and Sister Lewis”

Everyone exchanged confused glances before looking back towards their mission leader, expecting an explanation. 

“They were technically trained in the Mormon faith and were set to come here. They turned it down until I sent them copies of the Book of Arnold. Complete converts”  
Everyone, seemingly happy with the explanation, took turns in welcoming the new recruits bar Kevin who seemed tied up in his own world. 

Kevin looked up lazily, his head still pressed into the palm of his hand and noticed he was gathering some unexpected attention. Two people he didn’t recognise, new recruits he gathered, were stood in front of him and the girl was smiling exclusively at him. She wasn’t unattractive, no where near his type, but he wasn’t one to turn up a sign from heavenly father. This girl was his ticket to dreamless sleep and being able to turn it off finally.

“Great to meet you Sister. I’m Elder Price”

“Sister Lewis but uh... he already said that” She blushed lightly which caused Kevin to avert his eyes. It would work... It would. It had to.

“Elder Price is friends with Elder Cunningham- they came here together”

Kevin turned to look at the voice who’d just spoken, allowing himself the first full look in weeks. Of course he hadn’t changed but the stolen glances weren’t enough. His skin was still the same as always but Kevin yearned to touch him, talk to him properly. Anything. What had changed?! He scolded himself. Heavenly father had a neon sign wrapped around Sister Lewis but he was still experience these ungodly urges. He disgusted himself.

“Oh really? You must be really well versed in all of this then?”

“Of course, my best friend wrote the book. I could talk about this more as I showed you around town?”

“I’d like that” Sister Lewis blushed darkly, glancing quickly towards the lips of the delectable Elder Price. This had never happened before- she’d barely been here five minutes.

“Is that okay Elder Mckinley? I know I was meant to be coming with you”

Sister Lewis flinched from the non verbal hatred she’d received through the piercing gaze of the mission leader.Obviously it wasn’t okay! She’d be branded the mission slut, taunted for-

“Of course Sister. Just be back by sunset” Connor smiled brightly, whiplashing back to his default demeanor but not before chancing a look back at Kevin. The men stared for a second as Kevin had noticed the leader's cheeks had flushed a delicious pink that highlighted his cheekbones before he averted his eyes and laid his palm in the center of Sister Lewis’ back and walked her from the building.

\--

“THAT-THAT-” Connor yelled when he was finally far enough away from the mission that no one would accidentally stumble upon him. Well he had tried that but had only managed to get to the edge of the village.

Nabulungi glanced up from studying her boyfriends book, shot Connor a sympathetic smile before standing up.

“Want to talk about it?” 

Connor stalled for a second, looking into the gentle eyes of his fellow Sister before he breathed out, exhausted.

“Kevin”

“Tell me something I do not know, Connor. You are both terrible”

“There’s a new missionary and she’s pretty and she’s got these great eyes and he was looking at her like- like”

“Stop babbling Connor, you aren’t a teenager anymore and I’m not your supposed ‘school friends’. You’re okay”

Nabulungi enveloped Connor in a gentle hug, gently running a hand through his hair calmingly. It was funny in the short time they’d all been together, she’d been turned into the mission mother. Connor held her tightly, feeling the love and acceptance seep into him. He’d suffered so long with accusing eyes and disgusted stares that being held by someone that knew about... him... felt surreal.

“Naba I don’t know what to do”

“Let it play out, honestly. You two are made for each other, I promise. No matter how many obstacles are thrown in between you, heavenly father has placed you both here for a reason”

“But-”

“Man shall not be judged on the one he chooses to love for each man is loved by heavenly father equally- Nathaniel verse 12:5 in The Book of Arnold. You should know that”

“He isn’t gay Naba! He isn’t even interested are you kidding?! He’s the most straight laced man I’ve ever met, even after the change to The Book of Arnold. He is also the straightest man when we were studying the Book of Mormon!”

“He was quite open to the idea of homosexuality if I remember the story that Arnold told me”

“He was trying to make me feel better! I don’t care if it’s okay if I have these explicit dreams about him- I want them all in the real world!”

Connor’s yells drew some strange gazes which turned to friendly smiles as they noticed two of the main pillars of the church that changed their village.

“It’s your birthday soon right?”

“So?” Connor sulked, surprised to realise they had made it back to Arnold and Nabulungi’s shared house. She opened the door and he skulked inside, glancing around him again. He was always shocked when he came in, it was all so much better furnished that the mission. He slumped onto the couch, burying his face is a cushion and tucking his legs under him.

Nabulungi settled beside him, lifting his head from where he’d laid it with a gentle action. “Connor, listen to yourself. You are worth so much more than you think. You need to tell everyone at the party”

“What?!” He sat straight up, nearly colliding with Nabulungi, and stared at her as if she’d grown another head.

“Connor, being gay has never been a bad thing. It’s especially not under Arnold’s new rules. You can’t help who you love”

“Slight matter of the law though” he muttered to himself before a pillow struck the side of his head.

“Stupid boy! You think anyone we have allowed into our faith would go to the police?!”

Connor nodded but groaned, changing his position with a mournful flop.

“Thanks Naba” he murmured, wringing his hands together nervously. “But it won’t help with Kevin. He had to be attracted to me first”

“That’s like saying Star Wars isn’t cool- untrue” Arnold called from the kitchen as he walked in with a happy smile. Nabulungi lit up like a christmas tree. For split second it reminded Connor about the first day he’d seen a ballet dancer. She had been so fluid, so majestic and he just had to do it. His parents had indulged in his little quirk right up to-

“Where’s my welcome, C-Man?!”

Connor snapped from his flashback, planting a genuine smile on his face. He really liked Arnold, there was nothing in this world that seemed to get in his way. For gosh sake he had created a whole new religious faction just from being found out about lying. Connor had never forgotten the joy he’d felt (on the second time through) when he’d watched the play. It was completely unreal but it seemed to speak to people and that’s all that mattered.

“I’m sorry Arnie. Boy trouble” Connor smiled before allowing himself to be enveloped by his second hug of the past hour.

“You mean men in denial trouble? You two are worse than we were”

“Yes but there are several rather big differences between us two and you two”

“I wouldn’t say they were big” Arnold giggled casting a look at his girlfriend who just rolled her eyes. 

“Really Arnold?” Connor mimicked Naba before sitting back on the sofa- this time on a separate one as to let the couple sit together.

“Yes really” he chuckled again, skipping to the sofa and bouncing to sit back onto the couch. He took his girlfriend’s hand in his own and squeezed it gently. 

“Kevin wasn’t happy when we were in America and he wasn’t happy when we got here. He was happy here until a few weeks ago and he’s stopped. I think it’s you”

“Why would I be the cause of that?”  
“The first few weeks he couldn’t stop talking about you and it progressed to asking the other Elders about you. I dunno, he’s never taken an interest in anyone in all of the time we’ve been here. The only person who has been remotely close to that is you”

Connor pondered it for a second. Come to think of it, Kevin had met an awful lot of people and he’d barely spoke of them afterwards. He shook his head- Connor was the Mission Leader. Of course he’d be interested considering as soon as his parents somehow got word of all of this, Connor would be snatched from this place and Kevin would replace him. It made sense.

“Thanks for the chat guys but I think I’m gunna go back to the mission” he smiled gently, the faked smile not even coming close to his eyes.

“You’re welcome anytime. You know that” Naba smiled genuinely, pressing a kiss to his cheek gently. He felt tears burn at the back of his throat as he said his goodbyes to them both and set back towards his problems once again.


	5. Stuck

Kevin looked at the clock for around the 10th time in an hour. Sister Stuck, as he’d now nicknamed her, was staring at him as they all sat quietly around the dinner table. Honestly this was exhausting. Connor was never late for dinner and it was selfish of him to make Kevin worry. Anything could happen- just as Naba had warned him the first day he'd gotten there. 

“So Sister, how are you finding Uganda?”

“Oh it’s _gorgeous _. Everything here is just so much better than America”__

__Kevin snorted rudely, keeping his eyes squarely on his plate. She was so goddamn obvious and it made him feel ill. From the small coughs and shuffles around the table the rest of the Elder’s were feeling as uncomfortable as him._ _

__“I wonder where Elder Mckinley is”_ _

__Kevin’s head snapped up at the first mention of Connor’s name for the last few hours and locked eyes with Elder James, noticing a strange look on his face. _What was wrong with this kid? ___ __

__

____“Well actually it’s perfect he isn’t here, we need to go over his birthday arrangements!” Elder Thomas grinned, clapping his hands together excitedly. He grumbled, pushing around the food on his plate and pretended to mask his surprise. Jeez he didn’t even know it was his birthday- he’d nearly forgotten his own existed if he was honest with himself._ _ _ _

____“Oh really? How old is he going to be?” He asked nonchalantly, praying that he had kept his voice neutral enough. He was doing a good job turning off the numerous thoughts he had, even in the daylight now._ _ _ _

____“Twenty One”_ _ _ _

____Kevin lifted his head once again to look towards the voice that had spoken, noticing a wide smile and a delicate blush peppering Elder James’ cheeks._ _ _ _

____“How did you know?!” Elder Church exclaimed_ _ _ _

____All of the occupants of the table turned to look at the man, who could most definitely be described as plain, waiting for a non psychic explanation for this._ _ _ _

____The Elder cleared his throat, his cheeks darkening in colour. “We used to know each other when we were children. He hadn’t recognised me but I couldn’t forget him”_ _ _ _

____“You _knew _each other?”___ _ _ _

______“Ahem... yes. We’ve known each other since we were 4. We grew up next door to each other and we were best friends”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Kevin knew he was grilling the poor guy but he’ll be damned if he wasn’t going to find out this guys deal. Was he a stalker? A murderer? What was his mission here? Was he even interested in converting people?!_ _ _ _ _ _

______“So how come he doesn’t recognise you if you spent all of that time together?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______The rest of the tables, he was sure, could feel the tension that radiated from Kevin and had begun to feel the same from the now unknown Elder._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I had to escape a part of my identity so I changed my name”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“So which is the real you?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“The part that loved Connor Mckinley!” he yelled, causing both the tension and the quiet conversations to drop to the floor like weights._ _ _ _ _ _

______He felt his jaw tighten. Kevin had never hit someone before but dear god did he want to do it now. Curse the mission. Curse everything and everyone else._ _ _ _ _ _

______“B-But Elder Mckinley isn’t... that” Elder Thomas spoke up meekly from where he sat, causing the rest of the table to nod in agreement. They all knew Connor had always struggled but he’d never succumbed. He’d been converted._ _ _ _ _ _

______“A long time ago he said he had feelings for me but I couldn’t let him. His parents were heavily Mormon and I... I wasn’t ready to admit that I might have feelings for him too. So... long story short he was sent to a conversion camp”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“You FUCKING what?!”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Kevin had stood up from his seat before the boy had even had a chance to blink and had him pinned to the crumbling wall before anyone else could react._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You couldn’t handle the fact that you were gay and had feelings for a boy who felt the same so you had him sent to hell?!” he spat in his face, tightening his hold on his collar to a point where the colour had drained nearly completely from his face._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Elder Price!” Sister Smith gasped, placing a hand on his shoulder gently. He tensed but reluctantly let go of the slimy maggot of an Elder._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You are lucky that we aren’t Mormons anymore. I don’t think it’s written anywhere in the Book of Arnold that I have to be polite to you”_ _ _ _ _ _

______The Elder slid to the floor, gasping for breath and staring incredulously back at Kevin. He graced him with a scathing look before pushing the comforting hand from his arm and storming out of the mission without casting a second look back at either of the people staring after him._ _ _ _ _ _

______He breathed deeply through his nose, slowly counting backwards from ten. Cussing softly, he tried desperately to clear his mind from the multitude of unholy thoughts running through his mind. Connor had loved someone else but he didn’t recognise him. Kevin was trying to forget his thoughts and dreams of the man but yet he fought for him. It was impossible for him to do all of this at once._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Elder Price, what was that about?!”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Kevin breathed a frustrated sigh but plastered on a long suffering smile as he turned to face her. Heavenly father had given him this opportunity to change himself and his future as a missionary. All he had to do was stop. Stop caring for this man. Stop suffering to stop him from suffering. That wasn’t what ‘friends’ did._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I’m sorry Sister, I’ve always been against these conversion camps. Heavenly father made us this way for a reason. He doesn’t make mistakes, only challenges”_ _ _ _ _ _

______The girls eyes lit up brightly before sidling up to him and placing a hand on his shoulder shyly. She fluttered her eyes up at him, the devotion as clear as day._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Oh Kevin, it’s so lovely that you care so much for these... abominations. It just makes you all the more humble”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Kevin shivered perceivably at her words and her touch, they were both as disgusting as he figured they would be. He shifted, taking a long deep breath in. Signs from above should not be cast aside._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I have to. You know the type they are. Just as long as they can live a life as well. Still, the thought of homosexuality disgusts me. I just hide it very well”_ _ _ _ _ _

______The sister sighed and nodded in loving agreement as Kevin slid his hand into hers. She gasped and looked up at him._ _ _ _ _ _

______“We share the same views on so many things. We could be the most successful missionaries. Imagine how happy our parents would be- we could make up for not following the Mormon faith but instead creating something better. I couldn’t think of anyone better than both of us, especially if you have me by your side”_ _ _ _ _ _

________The image formed in his mind of their future together. A tall white building set, where else, in the center of Orlando with his face in the center. Small children ran together in the garden, giggling excitedly as they waited for their parents to finish their sermon. Nabulungi clutched her hand lovingly to Arnold’s as they swept their children into a fierce hug,  
Arnold tickling them mercilessly as Naba looked towards the door to see the rest of their congregation file out.  
Kevin noticed himself as he joked, leading his love out of the door with the rest. A flash of red made him try to force himself from this daydream but he heard the pearly laughter of his- he glanced at the hand that held onto Connor. Of course they were married. They both ran towards the kids, shocking them with hearty roars._ _ _ _

______“Elder Price?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______A voice pulled him from the dream and he shook his head in confusion. He was doing just as heavenly father had asked and he was still not being allowed reprieve from these stupid daydreams and nightmares. It was obvious that this wasn’t good enough for the one above._ _ _ _ _ _

______A grin spread across his face as he pulled the sister into an embrace. “What is your name?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Sister Smith blushed deeply, lowering her head and toying with a loose button on her shirt. “Ellayna”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Mine is Kevin. Please- we can’t talk in titles if we’re dating. That would be really strange”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Ellayna grinned brightly, hardly believing her luck. It had been a struggle to admit feelings when she was back in the US as she was the strange mormon kid. She’d been here two weeks and she had already found and started dating the most attractive man she’d ever met._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Now that we’ve calmed you down I think we should go back inside. No doubt they’ll want your help planning Elder Mckinley’s birthday party! You’ve been the nicest about this little... quirk he has.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Ellayna, like the excited puppy type girl she was, leaped ahead of Kevin back into the mission with glee. She was delusional or completely clueless he was sure. The last thing they would be talking about after his little performance would be Elder McPerfect’s birthday._ _ _ _ _ _


	6. Epiphany

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update as I went to go and see BoM for the 4th time last night! Let me just say that it was made better by meeting Stevie (Elder Mckinley), Cody (Elder Cunningham) and KJ (Elder Price.  
> I just love them so much, it was such a treat! If you want to see the photos I took they're all of my Tumblr with the same name.  
> Thanks and enjoy!  
> ~Elder Mctapdance

Connor collapsed to the ground with a mournful wail, feeling like a petulant child. For gosh sake he was twenty years old and he was working himself into exhaustion, well more than usual, for even the smallest chance that he could get Kevin to notice him. Sweat beaded on his forehead unattractively. For not the first or last time he wished to give everything up in his life just for an air conditioned, hard floored, mirrored dance studio to practice in. The uneven ground and growing humidity were making it for terrible conditions to show even half the potential he knew he had. He could have made it if not... He shook his head clear and stood up unsteadily.

“Would you like some water Elder?”

Connor jumped at the sudden intrusion, glancing towards the exit to the shaded abandoned shack he had found at the edge of town.

“I’m sorry but Elder Church said you came here sometimes and everyone was worried about you”

“Oh well thank you Elder James! Just how long were you standing there?”

Elder James, or of course Steve, noticed the beginning of a blush as he averted his eyes. Poor Connor had always thought it was his fault for the ‘ungodly thoughts’ he had but anyone would fall for him after watching him perform. For he had after all.

“Long enough. You are a great dancer Elder, it’s incredible”

Connor blushed a deeper red before standing up and beginning to stretch his tightened muscles. Gosh it had been a long time since he’d done this much exercise- let alone just to impress someone. His head swung rapidly to the left to lock eyes with Elder James who had his hand pressed against Connor’s knee.

“Sorry Elder, your stretch isn’t deep enough. You won’t feel it properly” he murmured, applying pressure as Connor stared incredulously. This was unbelievable- his heart wasn’t pounding, his palms weren’t sweating. Yes- he was attractive, that was undeniable, but he felt nothing behind it.

“Thank you for the help but I think we should get back, Elder. The leader shouldn’t be the one that has everyone worrying!”

Connor strode ahead of the other Elder, his mind whirring with a million thoughts. What did this mean? Did heavenly father heed his wish finally and take away these thoughts? Or maybe... he stopped abruptly as realisation hit him. He didn’t want them taken away. He didn’t want to be ‘cured’. He wanted to be with Kevin. Closing his eyes, he sighed with contentment. Connor could finally admit that he was in love with Kevin, whether he had wanted to or not. His steps increased with renewed vigor, the excitement in him palpable as he neared the mission.

“Good evening everyone! Isn’t it lovely!”

Connor glided into a room of stony faced Mormons, not exactly an unknown circumstance, as they all ate their plain dinner in unison. He hadn’t seen this type of gloom since the day after the mission president had shut down their mission and killed all dreams of any one of them becoming the Mormon their families had hoped they would become. Even the ever full of life Elder Poptarts was staring at his place dejectedly. So many thoughts sprung to the forefront of poor Connor’s mind but he couldn’t think like this!

“What happened?”

They all looked up in unison, giving Connor chills as he was the star in the majorly scary horror film he’d demanded to watch with his parents, insisting he was a big boy. He had regretted the idea before the first murders had even happened, the suspense filled build up was more than enough for him. Safe to say parts of that movie still haunted him and even made an appearance in some of his darker dreams.

They all looked at him for a second, all numb in shock but Elder Church was the first to switch and give Connor a bright smile. “I’m so sorry Elder! We were so worried for you but then we starting panicking about eating dinner without you and-”

The other Elder’s spread around the table nodded aggressively, each plastering on their practiced smiles. Connor had enough experience in his life in turning it off that he could see right past their charade but he couldn’t call them out on it. The more he pushed, the more they would push back. Hiding secrets was an incredible well taught Mormon trait, he knew the best out of all of them. Connor sighed, deciding to drop the subject, he wasn’t going to get anything apart from this incredibly creepy synchronised bunch.  
“It’s okay Elders! I’m not too hungry at the moment. You continue to enjoy your meals and I’m going to freshen up”

He breathed a sigh of relief as he left the room that felt heavy with both the elder’s stares and the thick atmosphere that had engulfed all of them. Mormons were naturally seen as serious people but those he had gotten to know were anything but that. Only something life changing would make his happy, chatty Elders turn into... that.

“...doesn’t make mistakes, just challenges”

Connor sighed happily, realising that Kevin seemed to be normal judging by his voice. Although he was definitely hurt by this yoyo’ing between them but he could always trust the other Elder. He knew that much.

“Oh Kevin, it’s so lovely that you care so much for these... abominations. It just makes you all the more humble”

He cringed at her disgustingly high and sweet voice. Connor wasn’t stupid, he had noticed the way they had all been over each other the last few weeks and he wasn’t the largest fan of it. Of course, he could pull the leader card and get them to stop, he could see that the girl held a ridiculously high respect for him. He couldn’t though. If Connor’s behaviour hadn’t been obviously enough recently, it soon would if he pulled that stunt.

“I have to. You know the type they are. Just as long as they can live a life as well. Still, the thought of homosexuality disgusts me. I just hide it very well”

Connor stumbled back, feeling as if a bullet had pierced straight through his heart. He knew it. He’d known it. All along, he was destined for hell. His dreams were true. This... Not again.


	7. New

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again!  
> Sorry this chapter was late as I've had a wild few days and just realised what day of the week it was! Also appologies as I realised how short the previous chapter was. Anyway, enjoy!  
> ~Elder Mctapdance

_  
Connor twirled happily in time with the music, feeling his heart and body join with the music perfectly. He finally had his wish to dance, even if the instances weren’t quite what he had hoped for. He had so many restrictions to his life for this hour a week but by heavenly father’s name, it was worth every sacrifice. He finished with a pirouette and landed expertly, his fringe flipping into his eyes childishly as he grinned up at his teacher. She smiled and clapped eloquently before ruffling his hair lovingly._

_“Connor darling you are constantly surprising me with your talent. I’ll see you next week”  
He skipped into the separate changing room and changed in record time. Normally he would fight to keep his dance stuff on but today was special. Today his best friend was staying over for a sleepover and he couldn’t stop the happy squirming in his stomach. With a cheerful goodbye to his dance teacher, he barrelled from the studio right into the side of Steve Blade. _

_“Steve!”_

_“Connor!”_

_The young boys hugged each other tightly before letting go and perfectly executing their secret handshake. Connor had always been the odd one out at school. Not only was he a Mormon but he upped himself on the scale of weird kid by hating sport of any kind with a passion and spending every spare minute watching movies like dirty dancing or envisioning himself performing in a broadway musical. Steve had been the first and only male friend he had found but that was all he had needed. They’d been firm friends from the first day he’d defended him from bullies and there hadn’t been any reasons for that to stop. The daydreams that Connor had about them just cemented their friendship further._

_“Ready?”_

_“As always!”_

_As they did after Connor’s dance practice and Steve’s soccer practice every Wednesday, they walked home through the quiet streets. Most of the town knew the pair and visa versa so the boys parents were happy to let them walk the ten minutes to their homes. The day that Connor found out they lived next door to each other had been the best of his short life so far._

_“I perfected the pirouette”_

_“And I actually scored a goal! We must be each other’s lucky charms”_

_Connor looked up to his friends grin, an activity that he was used to as the shortest boy in class, and noticed Steve was looking back at him. Both boys laughed quietly, a small knot forming in their chests as they did so. The daydreams kicked in for Connor again- This exact spot they were in merged into a deserted island scene and Steve’s hand was wrapped around his own. Their clothes tightened in some places and disappeared in others, causing the boys to inspect the other with renewed interest. Connor’s eyes drifted lower as the ‘dream’ Steve reached his other hand to cup his jaw._

_“You’re gorgeous Connor. I couldn’t imagine marrying anyone other than you”_

_The scene switched suddenly. They were sitting on a bed in a large room and the curtains were billowing majestically in the warm evening breeze. His honeymoon. A hand crept towards him and settled around his waist, pulling him across the bedspread slowly._

_“I’ve waited my entire life for you” Steve whispered before pulling Connor into a fiery kiss, pulling the small boy onto his lap. He moved against the other searchingly-_

_Connor finally snapped from the daydream, the tightening in his chest intensifying as it spread to his crotch as well. This was becoming a regular occurrence and it was beginning to scare him a little. Little Mormon boys were meant to marry the Mormon girls who pranced around at the same sunday school as him but the only thing he noticed about they was the way that girls were built elegantly. He had yet to encounter a girl that couldn’t dance, even if it was a little shyly. He never had these kind of thoughts about the short petite girl named Melissa that was always hanging around with Steve. In fact he resented her a little. Steve had dated loads of girls and Connor had felt the tightness relieve from his chest after he dumped his current obsession and he’d managed to convince himself that it was because he finally had his entire attention again._

_“C’mon Con, I have a new game to show you” Steve spluttered out as he finally managed to pull his gaze away. His hand, which he had rested on Connor’s shoulder unconsciously, rubbed once more longingly before plastering it back to his side._

_Connor, admittedly still slightly dazzled from the extended thoughts about his close friend, fumbled for his front door and slid it into the lock._

_“Connor hun, is that you?”_

_“Hi mum”_

_Connor’s family sat around the dinner table and smiled up at him expectantly. They were used to the constant presence of Steve by this point and just waved for them both to join them for dinner._

_“I wanted to go dancing!” Connor’s younger sister Em pouted, pounding her little fist on the table._

_“Honey Con-Con is older. Your classes aren’t for a few days”_

_“But I want to go now” Em whined_

_Connor smiled as he went over and swung her from her seat. She pouted for a second more before breaking into fits of giggles._

_“I’ll dance with you tomorrow, I promise Emsie Em. Steve is here tonight”_

_Em’s eyes widened and she squealed loudly. “Steeeeeeeve”_

_She wiggled relentlessly until Connor set her back onto the floor before launching herself at Steve. It was obvious to the entire family that she had a crush on him and Connor couldn’t blame her_

_Steve grinned back at the girl as he caught her from mid air and sat them both back at the table, ever the advocate for calming Em down. He’d had enough of being glared at by Connor’s parents when he’d been round previously. They were scary people to say the least. After calming her down, Connor’s mother served the dinner that was always miraculously ready when they both turned up. It always amazed the boys that all parents seemed to have incredible timing.  
They all continued a quiet chit chat throughout dinner and both boys finally managed to escape just before Em’s nightly tantrum about dessert and the argument that always surrounded it._

_“...greedy dogs which can not have enough, Isaiah 56:11! Emerette Mckinley, do you want to go straight into fiery damnation?”_

_Steve cringed slightly as he looked over at his friend, giving the boy a sympathetic look._

_“If it helps I got off lightly” Connor explained brightly, looking down at his feet as he pushed his bedroom door open. Being Mormon, they were never going to get regular names but his was as close as he was going to get. No one would ever be able to spell it right though._

_“But Emerette...?”_

_“Yeah there are some really bad versions out there, believe me. Names that never should be first names”_

_Steve shook his head in apparent amazement before remembering the main reason for their sleepover and scrambling for his backpack._

_“I give to you, the best game ever! You’re gunna love it Con” he muttered as he rummaged through his school bits before grinning triumphantly._

_“Tah- Dah!”_

_Steve held the newly released Kingdom Hearts aloft with glee, immediately gauging his friends reaction to their nightly plans._

_Connor grinned more for his best friend's enthusiasm than the game itself. Connor found himself studying his friend unabashedly as he began to set the game up. There was so much wrong with this situation but he couldn’t help himself, it was getting worse now. He wiped his sweating hands on his school trousers quickly as Steve turned back around and handed a controller to him._

_“C’mon I’ve been waiting years to play this with you!”_

_“Ste, you’ve only had the game a day”_

_“I don’t care, it’s always an eternity when I’m waiting for you!”_

_Steve seemed to realise the double entendre of his words as the startup scene began playing. His eyes drifted to his friends face and they locked eyes for the second time that day. By the time that Steve shook himself from the trance and looked back towards the television, his character was already waiting for him to begin playing.  
 ___


	8. Doubt

_  
The boys played through a large portion of the game that night, not allowing themselves to look at each other. Though in their hearts they were aware something had changed within their friendship, neither wanted to discuss what was happening. Finally, when Connor’s mum came to remind them with a well found Mormon verse that it was late, they shut the game down and looked at one another again._

_“We should get ready for bed before mum comes in again” Connor smiled slightly as he allowed Steve first turn in the bathroom as he put his games all back into the correct order and tidied his room back into a state his mum would find acceptable in the morning. He hated getting lectured by anyone, let alone his ridiculously Mormon family._

_He brushed past Steve as he headed to change in the bathroom, inciting an incredibly quick snapshot of the previous dreams about him to flash in front of his eyes. He avoided eye contact as he scrambled past him and forced himself not to think about the naked man that had been in here less than five minutes before him. When he had, of course, successfully managed not to think about him, he came out and plonked himself on the best as far away from Steve as he could. He breathed into the awkward silence that had fallen between them._

_“So” Steve mumbled, scrambling quickly to find a conversation topic “Which is your favourite character so far?”_

_Connor’s heart sank a little further as he played with a loose thread on his already worn out pajama top. He was convinced that he wasn’t crazy, that what he was feeling was normal and what boys went through. This just confirmed Steve wasn’t the same and definitely didn’t have the same thoughts he did._

_“Ah... Urm I would say Axel, he seemed pretty cool”_

_“Oh I would say Roxas so I guess they’re pretty similar”_

_“Weren’t they friends as well, like us?”_

_The boys once again looked at each other, Connor averting his eyes the fastest he could manage whilst staring into eyes that had always been so kind to him. Always been there. Always._

_“Hey... Con... Are you okay?”_

_Connor looked up as he felt Steve stroke a thumb absentmindedly along the top of his hand where it was placed on the blanket. At some point during his internal struggle, his friend had crossed the gap between them.The boy continued the action despite the eye contact before fully placing his hand on his friends._

_“Steve... uhhh...I...” Connor stumbled over his words nervously, his eyes darting nervously between his hand and Steve’s eyes. The boy never stopped the reassuring gentle stroking and Connor felt his nervousness begin to fade slightly. He turned his hand over and held Steve’s hand without looking up at him again._

_“There’s something... different about me Steve. I don’t think I like girls in the way I like-” Connor murmured, gesturing to the other boy with his other hand._

_“You...You like me in the way guys like girls?”_

_Connor nodded his head, feeling weight simultaneously lift and settle. Someone finally knew his secret but this still wasn’t natural. He knew that much._

_“Do you wanna... try it out? Ummm... I mean do you wanna make sure? You need to try both... sides” Steve stuttered, taking his hand from Connor’s and holding them together tightly._

_Connor looked at his friend incredulously, wondering why he was stalling. This was his best friend of years and yet all he could think about was this would ruin their friendship. How could he go back to being best friends with someone if he definitely had...unholy thoughts and been allowed to act upon them. Just the dreams alone were definitely enough for damnation._

_“Con... stop overthinking it”_

_Connor looked up and felt soft lips press against his for the quickest of seconds. His eyes flicked open and looked at Steve who had averted his eyes to the floor. Connor tapped Steve’s shoulder gently and immediately repeated the action for slightly longer this time. They both looked at each other nervously as both boys were wondering what the other was thinking. Steve took a deep breath before broaching a subject that was circling in his head._

_“Um... So I saw this thing on a movie my sister watched? They basically kissed but I searched up some things afterwards and... the other girls I’ve done it to liked it so maybe it’ll make you decide if you’re... you know”_

_Connor ignored the twinge in his chest and nodded slowly, hoping that his slight jealousy didn’t show on his features._

_Steve took Connor’s hand and placed them gently to rest on his thighs and pressed his own hand to Connor’s cheek. He looked into the other boys eyes for some sort of disgust or reluctance but when he found none he pressed his lips to the others gently. They kissed gently at first as Steve allowed him to feel as if the situation were completely natural to them both before moving his hand to tangle in Connor’s hair, eliciting a sigh from him. Connor’s hands pressed more solidly into the boys thighs, feeling his body tighten with a feeling he would later realise was complete desire. Steve, feeling that Connor was more comfortable with this now, lapped his tongue eagerly against his slightly parted lips. With a slight gasp of shock, Connor pressed himself closer and moved his hands to Steve’s waist. This continued for a few minutes more before Steve slowly removed his lips from Connor’s, attempting to hide the disappointment. Even if he had painted this little ‘experiment’ as something to help Connor, it had made him realise some home truths about himself._

_“Why... Why did we stop?” Connor asked breathlessly, the moisture that had collected on his lips trying to tempt Steve back but he ignored the call._

_“We can’t have your parents coming in on us Con, how would you explain it even if it was completely innocent?”_

_Connor’s heart sank to the floor and fractured deeply as he attempted to control his trembling bottom lip. All of the feelings he had felt that flooded through that kiss were not only completely unnatural but apparently unwarranted as well. He wrung his hands together sadly before Steve gently lifted one and laced their fingers together._

_“We need to go to sleep before your parents come in and realise we’ve been awake this whole time”_

_Unwillingly Connor agreed with this and tried to pry his fingers from Steve’s without much luck._

_“I... uh can we go to sleep like this?”_

_Connor looked towards his friend who was looked down at their clasped hands, only looking back up when he squeezed his hand gently._

_“Yeah”_

_Steve squeezed his hand back and they climbed into bed, their fingers still laced together tightly. They both laid on their sides, looking at each other with different thoughts. All Connor wanted was to tell Steve his mission had completely worked. Or failed, depending who you spoke to. He knew exactly who he was now. All Steve could think about was how he’d ever find a friend like Connor again, they’d certainly overstepped the boundaries this time.  
 ___


	9. Betrayl

_Connor woke up the next morning, his hand still clutched tightly in Steve’s. Reluctantly he removed his hand and stood, opening his bedroom window and taking a deep breath in. His viewpoint on the world had shifted completely after last night, even if Steve was still convinced they could go back to being friends after this. It had been clear to him, even if he didn’t want to admit it, that he had liked other boys his age for a little while now but he could finally realise he couldn’t lie to himself anymore_

_“Con?” Steve murmured softly from the bed, sweeping his bed tousled hair from his eyes and glancing towards him._

_Connor looked over at him, withholding the sigh that was pressed against the part of his lips. Even if the morning he was too good to be true. He didn’t deserve for this boy to be as fine with his... temptations as he was being._

_“Sorry Steve, just thinking”_

_“What is it?”_

_He looked back to see Steve was now sitting upright, his eyes taking in Connor with worry._

_“What happens now?”_

_The silence suffocated Connor uncomfortably as he looked back to the window and took another shaky breath._

_“What do you think?”_

_Connor heard the bed creak before feeling a warm hand press into his lower back._

_“Whatever you want to happen. I know that this...” he sighed, entwining his fingers with Connor’s as he came level with the other boy. “This is just as bad as what we did last night if what I read about Mormon’s is right.”_

_He nodded along with his friend, squeezing his hand at the end. One thing for sure was that his parents couldn’t know anything about this. The other was that he wanted to ignore every Mormon bone in his body and scream it from the rooftops. After all either way, he was going all the way down to that fiery afterlife._

_“I really.... I don’t know. I’ve never not been sure about something in my life.”_

_“But what do you feel, Con?” Steve murmured as he took a step closer to his best friend and pressed a kiss to his cheek softly, almost as if it hadn’t happened._

_He suppressed a whimper of indignation as he felt the air hit when his lips had just been. Unknowingly he began chewing at his lip, turning over a million thoughts in his head. Steve’s eyes had wandered down to lock onto the actions beneath his eye line._

_“I feel... a lot for you Con. I think I have for a while. You’re so dedicated with everything you do- religion, dance or school and after I thought about it all I realised you are attractive as well as brilliant”_

_Connor stared in amazement as Steve trawled through his speech, his words stopping occasionally or his voice cracking but his gaze never strayed from his worried lips._

_“Yes”_

_Steve’s eyes finally lifted to lock onto Connor’s and now saw something new shinining in his eyes. Hope? Maybe._

_“Yes, I’ve liked you for a long time Steve. I think you were the one who... who made me realise that I don’t like girls”_

_Steve grinned at the realisation that he had been Connor’s awakening even if it hadn’t have been in the best of circumstances._

_“Can I...?” Steve smiled shyly, untangling his hand from when their hands were and pressed it to his cheek._

_Connor, forever the confident and bubbly boy, nodded and ducked his gaze from Steve’s, feeling his cheeks burning._

_The kiss proceeded much like the night before with the added amount of hope filling the emptiness that had tormented Connor for years. Someone finally knew exactly what he was and wasn’t declaring how cursed he was or how satan would be waiting in the afterlife for his blackened soul. He felt like a normal boy who had found out his crush liked him back. It felt nice- for how long it would last, he wasn’t sure._

 

_Steve and Connor had always been best friends but now their playing involved occasional touches and secret kisses on their weekly ‘game nights’. As much as he hated lying to his parents, Connor was never going to be able to tell them about this relationship or whatever it had turned out to be and risk being before disowned by the parents he loved so dearly but the sister he knew looked up to him._

_The boys had many firsts between them, somehow managing to remain under the radar the whole time. Connor’s constant paranoia and Steve’s house, which was empty a large amount of the evening, ensured that any disappearances for them both were well thought out and completely lie ridden. He wouldn’t change it for the world. He knew that someday something was bound to change, that he’d have to let his parents know and the rest of the world. Today, however, was not going to be that day._

_“Do you regret anything?”_

_Steve raised his eyes from where he was studying their latest homework assignment on the desk in Connor’s room. Their eyes met and he stood up from the chair with a mutter._

_“What’s happened?” he murmured, resting his forehead against his friends and closing his eyes. Connor copied him and let out a breath slowly._

_“I dunno, I’ve just been thinking”_

_“Don’t hurt yourself”_

_Connor swatted his arm playfully, causing him to emit a soft laugh. “Sorry, continue”_

_“Just... what happens after all of this? Like my mission and everything. I know it’s silly as it’s so far away but... 2 years is a long time”_

_“It’ll go in no time if you’re doing what you want to do”_

_“But that’s staying here... In America with you”_

_Steve felt a small pull in his chest, constricting his throat slightly as he pulled back to look at his friend._

_“Con?”_

_“I think I....”_

_“Don’t say it Con”_

_“Why not? Why can’t I say that-”_

_“Because it can’t be true! It isn’t allowed to be true, alright. I... I can’t think about that” he stammered, standing from the bed abruptly and beginning to pace the floor. His eyes occasionally scouted an escape route as he did._

_“Please don’t leave, it’s going to look really strange if you leave right now.” Connor pleaded, bouncing from the bed to block Steve’s pacing with a hand to his chest. “Steve you don’t have to say it back but just stay tonight. Like we did when we first kissed”_

_Steve looked up from where he had focused his eyes and sighed as he noticed the forlorn look in his best friends face. “Yeah... I’ll stay”_

_The boys laid like boards next to one another, their thoughts and emotions beginning to suffocate both until Connor reached his hand to tangle their fingers together._

_“I know you won’t let me say it but I really care about you Steve”_

_The room was responseless as Connor glanced over at his friend to already find him asleep, his face a picture of peace and serenity. That night he whispered so many times his love for his best friend, unaware that Steve was awake the entire night. A lone tear rolled down his cheek as he realised he had doomed any sort of relationship, romantic or otherwise, with the best thing that had happened to him._

 

_Connor woke up earlier than he had planned to wake, squeezing his fingers together and realising his hand was empty and cold. Pushing aside his aching heart, he checked his phone for anything that suggested he had gone home and came up empty. Shrugging off the heavy feeling in his heart, he reluctantly realised that he was going to have to continue his everyday activities with these thoughts swirling in his head._

_“-this is true, Steve? In heavenly father’s name, why would he even know about having these... thoughts?”_

_“I’m sorry Mr Mckinley but I had to let you know straight away. Something like this is against everything you stand for”_

_Connor’s eyebrows knitted together in confusion as he tiptoed towards where the voices were coming from. His father’s office was slightly ajar with his best friend sitting across from him, seemingly being berated as if he were in the Headmaster’s office._

_“You are entirely correct, Steve. I am glad you’ve let us know about Connor’s little... quirk. Easily sorted” he nodded resolutely as he swept from the room and collided with his young son._

_“Connor”_

_His father’s gaze settled on him, the gleam in his eyes was all too familiar but it wasn’t usually trained on him. Disappointment pierced his heart as if his father had spoken the words aloud already._

_“You are a crime against heavenly father’s name but thanks to Steve’s speed in telling us, we can keep it between us. We’ve always known you were different, what with the” he grimaced, gesturing towards some unwashed dance clothing strewn on the floor. “Hints, as it seems now. Don’t worry, we’ve always had back up plans in case of this”_

_Connor’s eyes flickered to Steve’s, feeling silent tears roll down his cheeks. He knew that this would happen if his parents were to find out about his feelings but to be betrayed by someone he loved was... life changing._

_“What we are isn’t wrong, Dad”_

_“What you are is wrong Connor. Steve is a good boy for refusing to bow down to your sinful urges and speaking to me. Homosexuality is a sin and therefore you can be cured. Don’t worry”_

_Connor felt hatred begin to curl in his stomach, spreading slowly to his chest and beginning to engulf the feelings he had for Steve and to taint them an inky black._

_On that day, and the consequent months he spent in a Mormon conversion camp, would teach him the meaning and necessity of turning it off. Fortunately that was a repressed memory for another day._


	10. Concentrate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys  
> Super sorry for not posting this update sooner as I've been weirdly busy this week. Either way, enjoy!  
> ~Elder McTapdance

Kevin plunged his shirt into the cold water, the temperature a welcome reprieve from the midday sun that was battering the entire little village. Technically he wasn’t allowed out here at the height of the day but damn the rules. Ever since the little ‘incident’ with Elder Jackass, there was a blanket of uncomfortable pleasantries that surrounded the mission which was certainly not helped by the fact he was sitting in the sidelines watching them get closer. Screw Elder McPerfects silly rules about heatstroke and death and all the other stupid consequences. It all meant nothing if something didn’t change soon.

 

“Kevin, you’re burning”

 

A hand touched his neck lightly but that alone was enough to make him curse and dart away from the culprit. He pressed a hand to where one had just been and elicited the same response from himself.

 

“Come inside”

 

Why did the voice have to bother him? He was fine and it was too high pitched and negative and not nearly as melodic as... 

 

“Your skin will start peeling Kevin. You don’t want to ruin your skin”

 

Kevin agreed with the annoyingly stupid voice for once. His skin was perfect, that much was true. He straightened with a grimace and strided back in the mission reluctantly. These avoidance techniques were not going well for him, especially considering his mind couldn’t get the memo that they were  _ not  _ meant to be thinking about the completely unattractive mission leader.

 

The other Elders, as usual, gave him sympathetic looks as he walked past them to his room. They had long since given up attempting to interact with the grumpy Elder when he worked himself into this mood they had been seeing a lot of lately.

 

“Good Afternoon munchkins!”

 

Kevin groaned internally. Just his luck that the very second he was forced inside from his task, which was keeping his mind numbingly blank for the first time in months, the ridiculously perky Elder would rear his little head from the mountain of work he had surrounded himself in. Kevin wasn’t stupid, he could see what Connor was doing but no one knew what had caused this sudden urge to throw himself headlong into securing conversions.

 

“Two more baptism’s lined up for next week!”

 

The room gave claps and a few back pats to the mission leader, the mood lightening a fraction. This brought their total to nearly forty africans since the initial mission started and all because of one boy and his wild imagination.

 

As usual Connor shrugged off the praise the group rained down upon him, insisting against all reasonable doubt that they had all played a part in every single conversion they had made since The Book of Arnold was officially released. Of course Pride was a sin that was still incorporated into this new version of Mormonism but Connor’s refusal of praise was certainly not only to please heavenly father, Kevin wasn’t that clueless not to notice a change 

 

“Thank you everyone for such hard work! I’ve spoken to our glorious leader,” Connor grinned towards Arnold who was standing proudly to the left of him. “And I have been informed that effective of now, you’ve all earned a short break. Four days starting tomorrow will not be dedicated purely to securing conversions”

 

All of the Elders present broke into surprised chatter, talking amongst themselves before Connor clapped his hands twice and silence descended again. 

 

“This is a one time thing Elders and when we spoke, I came to a compromise. Your schedule and buddy system is to be disbanded for the period but you are still expected to act like the civilized people I’ve worked so hard with. Spread the word of Arnold as you go through these days. Even if it is only through acts of kindness towards everyone”

 

The room erupted in excited applause. Kevin had to hand it to the guy, he could hold the attention of a room with little effort. The constant perky aura he had about himself daily was helpful but it had to be down to the fact he could reach out towards even the least likely convert and make them feel comfortable with him. He risked a glance towards the intimidating ex-Warlord who was glancing around the room in confusion. He would definitely be continuing on his regular schedule, Kevin was absolutely sure that the man didn’t do anything by half..

 

“I suppose this has nothing to do with your ever impending birthday, Elder?”

 

Kevin resisted the urge to hurl himself in the general direction of the voices but he knew better than that. Heavenly father was truly testing his resolve today and he wasn’t entirely sure he could prove to be whatever he wanted from him.

 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Elder” Connor’s voice ran out, an undercurrent of a smile colouring his voice.

 

“Oh he couldn’t work on his birthday! It’s super special”

 

Connor’s grin turned shy as he looked down at his perfectly polished shoes. How the man was always so made up he didn’t know. For a glorious second Kevin imagined what Connor would look like dishevelled and completely out of control. His internal wall shut down immediately as he shut his eyes against the image in his head and his pants tightened slightly.  _ I’m sorry father, forgive me. _

 

“Oh Arnold you know this isn’t entirely for my benefit, don’t be saying such ridiculous things”

 

“Well you know the last day is dedicated to you! It’s not every day you turn twenty one. Your party is going to be epic!!”

 

Silence suffocated the room as every pair of eyes glared towards the excitable Elder. Kevin felt eternally sorry for whoever told the surprise plans to Arnold- they clearly didn’t know him. Of course Connor knew he was having a party but it was one that he was to be organising so he could keep it quiet and personal.

Connor glanced towards the energetic Elder before shaking his head with a resigned smile. After all he couldn’t shoot him down in front of everyone, it was not becoming of a leader- especially if the leader were to shut down their new Prophet.

 

“Thank you for all of your hard work and attention! Back to work” he smiled, clapping his hands together once before turning abruptly on his heel.

 

The room remained silent for a few minutes after his departure, some of the elders shooting glares towards Arnold despite a blush slowly creeping up his neck. He suddenly began to ramble, spitting random sentences out and praying they’d make sense to someone. Kevin, usually the first to run to his friends side, stood up from the chair he had thrown himself into at some point and began to walk towards Elder Mckinley’s office. There was a cacophony of reasons the voices in his head were throwing his way about what a  _ terrible  _ idea this was but he had no control over himself anymore.

 

He knocked gently on the door before entering, his eyes immediately snapping to the redhead that had his chin propped up by his hand at his desk. Considering the ever polite Connor hadn’t acknowledged him, Kevin tried to make his presence known without startling him but before he could, his eyes had snapped up to meet the taller mans.

 

He covered his surprise quickly with his trademark Mormon smile. “Elder Price, I’m so sorry I didn’t hear you enter. Awful lot of paperwork to be done lately!”

 

Kevin ignored the fake happiness in his demeanor and instead sat opposite him.

 

“What’s going on?”

 

Connor looked slightly taken aback but nearly a lifetime of turning it off hadn’t taught him nothing. It definitely didn’t help that Kevin had completely waived all pleasantries when entering a room, especially considering Connor was his superior. 

 

“I think I explained it all pretty well, Elder! Well deserved break for everyone”

 

“Does that include you?”

 

Connor faltered for a second, spreading his fingers wide on the stack of papers he was working on. Kevin noticed his nails were barely anything, bitten back completely from whatever stress he wasn’t telling anyone. He grabbed his wrist and brought it towards him gently.

 

“I-I- Elder Price”

 

Kevin shushed him softly, his eyebrows knitting together with confusion as he felt Connor’s pulse speed up underneath his fingertips and Kevin’s tripped to keep the same rhythm. He took his other wrist in his fingers, rubbing circles into his skin gently.

 

“You haven’t answered my question” Kevin murmured, realising his voice had come out slightly huskier than he’d meant it to be.

 

A sigh escaped Connor’s lips as he shifted in his seat slightly.  _ Heavenly father if only Kevin Price knew what he was doing to him. _

 

“I...I’m the Mission Leader. I’m always busy” he explained weakly though didn’t attempt to try to remove his wrists from Kevin’s increasingly tightening grip.

 

“What about your rest though, Connor?” he whispered softly before standing up from the seat and leaving Connor’s hands cold. 

 

“Why do you care?”

 

Kevin averted his eyes from their locked gaze and his fingers curled into a fist. “Someone has to care about you, even as a friend”

 

“When will you let yourself be who you truly are?” Connor spat quickly, his eyes widening slightly as his mind caught up with his mouth.

 

“I don’t think you can give me advice about that” Kevin retaliated before casting one more glance towards the source of all of his confusion and walked out of his office.


	11. Jealous

Kevin Price did not get jealous. Why would he need to? That was everyone else's job- to be jealous of his achievements. His looks. His family. Him. So why was he suddenly experiencing anger towards the unimpressive boy that followed Connor like a stupid lovesick puppy.

 

“Elder Mckinley! How did you end up being a mission leader? It must have taken some dedication to the church”

 

Kevin sarcastically mouthed along to whatever rubbish was coming out of the stupid noodles mouth as he clutched his morning coffee. The other Elder’s knew about his regular trips to the village Kafe but as today was the beginning of their rest days, nobody gave him flack for it for the first time. It was strange, as if they were actual human beings instead of a mass of people ‘turning it off’ and pretending they were fine.

 

Connor laughed gently, stretching his tired legs out. If he had a choice he wouldn’t even be sitting down right then thanks to Elder James being stubborn about ‘heat stroke’ or ‘sunburn’.He had been in Uganda longer than them and had handled Ugandan summers that could have made fires cringe but he had stuck here through it all. It just had to be one ridiculously attractive, big headed mormon boy who was making him want to bury himself or run away from it all. He had settled with doing a little of both.

 

“It’s taken me a little while but it’s completely worth it” Connor smiled, trying to convince himself as he did so. Many things of the church confused and scared him. The thought that was scaring him even more was that he cared about something more than the church. The charm of Kevin Price was ruining him.

 

“Would you mind going into more detail?”

 

“I-”

 

“Can I have some peace for once?!”

 

All eyes turned towards the petulant voice but he stormed from the room.

 

“What is his problem lately?” Elder Neeley murmured, glancing at the retreating back of Elder Price. Connor’s heart clenched tightly as his eyes followed him until he couldn’t see him anymore.

 

“Girl trouble?” Elder Church chimed in.

 

“Possible” 

 

“Relationships aren’t allowed though, are they?”

 

Once again every pair of eyes turned towards Connor as his felt his heart rate increase. He needed help. He couldn’t say they were as that would ruin his life and if he said they weren’t, he ruins any sort of ‘ship’ they had.

 

“That’s stupid old Mormon thinking” Arnold yelled as he strolled through the communal area where they had gathered temporarily. They couldn’t all sit there too much longer considering some of them were precariously balanced on edges of furniture. No one had thought to give them or make new seats when they expanded their mission.

 

Nabulungi trailed behind him with a polite smile, speaking softly to each member that greeted her when she entered. It had taken a long time for Naba to come around to the idea of The Book of Arnold but now that she had, and the other Elder’s had recognised that she was the perfect missing piece to their tight knit mission, she was completely at home entering with Arnold.

 

“There is nothing in The Book of Arnold about any sort of relationship,” he declared to all of the gathered Elders. “You know.. Aside the baby rape thing but thats kind of a given.”

 

Arnold flopped down next to Connor, wrapping a chubby arm around him and squeezing him tightly. “Ain’t that right, O great elder”

 

Connor was surprised at the sudden laughter that bubbled from him as he pushed his friend away. Naba giggled as she held out a hand for Connor to take. He gratefully took it and stood up from the couch.

 

“To somewhat answer your question Elder James, a leader's job is never over and one can’t take a break so I’m going to retreat back to my office” he smiled, feeling his cheeks stretch uncomfortably. He’d never put this much effort into smiling, even when he was made to everyday. Most of the time he could switch between emotions effortlessly but the switch was malfunctioning more and more each day.

  
  


Kevin breathed out heavily as he finally came to a stop. His poor previously polished shoes were caked in dust and he had completely lost his tie in the run but was it worth it? Well he was feeling faint, sick and a little scared but the first thought in his mind was still that stupid Elder Impeccably Pure. Why in heaven's name did he run from the mission into the middle of the desert? One of the stupid things he had done lately. Before his vision dimmed completely, he dreamed of a melodic voice singing him to the depths.

 

_ “Kevin” _

 

_ Kevin sat up slowly, moving his fingers one at a time. All ten were still there and so was he. So why was there such a coolness under him where the ground should be blistering? _

 

_ “What...?” _

 

_ “Kevin Price, you are hurting” _

 

_ Kevin took a deep breath before attempting to stand up and find his bearings but there was nothing. No pain- nothing that made him believe he was still in Uganda or if he were alive either. The light emptiness held no clues as to where he was but he stilled the uncertainty churning in his stomach.  _

 

_ “Uhhh... What is this place?” _

 

_ “Whatever you want it to be, my son” _

 

_ Kevin furrowed his eyebrows together as he looked around the endless white space before something began to take it’s place. Emptiness became blue sky and the pleasantly contrasting cold began to slowly warm into a heat that didn’t hold the humidity of Uganda. Colours popped suddenly and sound burst into life- children’s screams of excitement, the churning of the many wheels and cogs that powered the land of- _

 

_ “Orlando” Kevin breathed deeply, closing his eyes against the sun but everything was the same when he reopened them. _

 

_ “This seems to be the place you are most at peace with the world.” _

_ “Who are you?” _

 

_ “I go by many names, dear one, but you know me as God” _

 

_ Kevin looked up as if he were going to see someone peeking through the clouds but was just met with unending blue. _

 

_ “What is happening? Why can’t I see you?” Kevin muttered, running his hand along the brickwork that was now so familiar to him. He used to dream of it often before everything happened. _

 

_ “Currently your body is deprived Kevin. It will be easily sorted as it is not your time to be with me yet and my ethereal appearance can not be handled by my creations. It has sent many of your kind to madness when I have presented myself.” _

 

_ “I think I’m already mad enough” _

 

_ “Why do you think that?” _

 

_ Kevin snorted impolitely before slumping down into a bench outside of Disney World. Even the prospect of meeting Mickey again wasn’t enough to lighten this strange gloom that was bubbling within him. _

 

_ “These dreams I keep having father. Some days...They just aren’t right” _

 

_ In the presence of the only thing that had kept him floating above the perilously high water he  was about to listen to him prattle on about how he was having hell dreams about sinning with another mormon. And a man to make it all the worse. _

 

_ “I am aware of the situation you are in my child” _

 

_ “How?” _

 

_ Kevin felt the sun shine brighter at that as if something he had said had made a who-knows-how-old immortal being laugh. _

 

_ “Do you not remember school, Kevin? I am all seeing and all knowing” _

 

_ He sighed as he looked down at him hands, feeling as if he could remember all the times he had touched that infernal Elder and the unholy thoughts that contained only him. _

 

_ “You are my creation, all of you. I see war, death, life, love and every sin that is committed. From the dawn of your species I have watched you all evolve, change, judge and I have seen many a thing worse than what you deem to be worth eternal damnation” _

 

_ “So why do we all have these hell dreams?!” Kevin yelled, jumping from the bench where he had positioned himself precariously and beginning to stride along the sidewalks that had held such joy in his memories. _

 

_ “Guilt. You are devout, young one, as are the others at your mission. Take away the guilt that you feel and they shall disappear.” _

 

_ “How can I not feel guilt when I’m attracted to another man!  Its wrong” _

 

_ “Be who I created you to be. Each of my children are created in my image but I cannot give you all of the same thoughts. This is not a curse. It is a blessing to find someone who will love unconditionally” _

 

_ Kevin moaned woefully as he ran his hands down his face. The pure notion that anyone could love him unconditionally was insane. _

 

_ “Our time is up. Remember all I have reminded you of and preach with the innocent love of me you have inside of you. I will see you one day, Kevin Price. I look forward to meeting properly” _

 

_ He opened his mouth once more before a pain so excruciating ripped through his chest and pushed it’s way up to his throat. He struggled to breath, clawing at his neck fruitlessly as his dream Orlando faded into a murky black. _


	12. Lies

Kevin groaned, his mouth feeling as if he had swallowed a country's worth of dirt, and attempted to open his eyes without much luck.

“He’s lucky he’s alive! Who knows what would have happened?!” A distressed voice yelled before another voice shushed him. Footsteps hit the floor in a frantic pattern, increasingly becoming closing and moving away again. A softer lilting voice flowed through the wall before the door opened and a wet, albeit slightly warm, cloth was placed on his forehead.

“Kevin”

He groaned and pushed the hand away groggily, pressing the cloth onto his head as if it would help the constant pounding against his skull.

“Open” a voice commanded but was met by the childish resistance of Kevin who refused to be babied.

“I’m fine” he scratched out, grimacing as the pain that shot through his sandpapered throat.

“For heavenly father’s sake, take the gosh darn water” the voice commanded again, it’s tone turning slightly annoyed but Kevin’s mind latched onto those words and opened his mouth reluctantly.  
Glorious, but yet again warm water, hit his tongue and he moaned in relief, moving his hands to attempt to grope the container and gulp more of the delicious liquid into his body. He hit fabric instead and opened his eyes slightly, his lips beginning to open to an apology before he locked eyes with the ridiculously attractive mission leader.

“Mornin’ sunshine” Connor murmured, attempting to gauge a reaction from the slightly comatose looking Kevin. They both stilled for a second as Kevin came to realise his hand was resting on Connor’s chest, gripping onto his perfectly straight tie. The thought made him want to laugh.

“Is it morning?” he questioned as he slowly removed his hand from where it had found itself and returned it to his side, allowed Connor to tip the container towards him again.

“Yes around,” he flipped his wrist around gracefully and Kevin watched as his eyes traced the clock face and his lips moved slightly. “Eight in the morning so you’ve slept for a while”

Connor lifted his eyes to meet Kevin’s again, hoping against all odds that he wouldn’t be able to sense the reluctance and worry that had clouded his eyes for the last few hours.

“Did you look after me?”

Connor looked down at his hands, finding them shaking slightly as a blush heated his cheeks slowly. “Not just me, I’m afraid. I can’t take all the credit, I’ve only just managed to escape the mission in the last hour”

Kevin eyed over his clothes with suspicion, only now noticing that his shirt was wrinkled and his hair was pressed down at one side before turning a the judging look on himself.

“I’m a state” he murmured to himself, heaving himself to a sitting position and ignoring Connor’s indignant responses on bed rest.

“I just fainted, it’s fine. Dehydration can, and has been, easily cured”

With a gentle force he wasn’t aware he possessed, Connor pressed a hand to Kevin’s chest and he reluctantly laid back down. Of course he was sure it was just Connor’s strength, not the fact that he was weak. Kevin Price was not weak.

“You’ve had us all worried, Elder Price. Can’t have our best missionary die on us can we?” Connor joked as he turned his back to Kevin, attempting to refill the plastic cup for him but his grip loosened thanks to his stupid shaking hands and it clattered to the floor.

He crouched to pick it up but a realisation hit him, causing a hiccuping sob to sneak up on him. Kevin’s eyes widened as he sat up again, ignoring the protests his body made. He would give anything to have the energy to leave the bed to go to him.

“Elder McKinley, what’s wrong?” he called, scared that even attempting to leave the semi cushioned bed would result on both of them incapacitated.

“Hey...” he murmured again, his eyebrows furrowing as he received no response from the previously strong Elder. With a deep breath he damned the consequences and stood from the bed with shaky legs. 

He folded his arms around the Elder, tightening them as Connor inevitably attempted to free himself.

“Connor” he whispered once more into the older man's hair which sent Connor into a delirious, sobbing mess that clung onto Kevin with every ounce of strength he had left.

“I-I” he sobbed, grabbing onto any bit of the man he could. He was here, alive, conscious and remembering his name. Kevin shushed him quietly, collapsing them both to sit on the floor properly and lean against the rickety bedframe.

After a while, Connor’s breathing had stilled to a regular pace and his head was resting uncomfortably on Kevin’s shoulder.

“Con?” Kevin questioned as he looked over at him. His eyes had drifted closed at some point during his little episode and his breathing was even and gentle. There was something angelic in his features- an innocence that he didn’t possess in the waking world with the amount of stress that was placed on shoulders so small.

He resolved not to wake him, even if he were to develop an awful pain in his back which was already threatening with small pinches every few minutes. He wiggled his fingers uncomfortably, unwilling to move as a wave of exhausted blackness overtook him again.

 

Connor took a deep breath as he woke up slowly, reveling in the warmth and heady scent that had surrounded him whilst he slept. Maybe slightly concerning as he didn’t remember going to bed. Even more so was that there was a weight around him that definitely wasn’t there when he slept normally. He cracked an eye open and almost screamed, clamping his lips closed with his hand before he did. Kevin Price laid opposite him, looking like the epitome of sin. His white shirt was crinkled more than usual and stuck to him in places that shouldn’t be possible, lips a gentle pink as if he had been biting them in worry. Even more worryingly, Connor’s dick had jumped to life at this revelation and was berating him for not kissing the man awake.

He scurried away from the deliciously warm embrace of his tormentor unfortunately slightly faster than he meant to, consequently the sleeping beauty woke with a start.

“What time is it?”

Connor breathed rapidly, trying to calm his racing heart and tenting pants as he looked a the increasingly interesting floor.

“Feel like I’ve already done this once today” Kevin chuckled, attempting to break the thick tension that had descended over them.

Connor chuckled weakly, glancing at his clock again and stifling a gasp. He’d slept comfortably, and not to mention dreamlessly, for the good part of five hours.

“I need to go” he breathed out quickly before his wrist was caught in a vice like grip.

“You lied”

“I-I”

“You barely stayed awake after...whatever happened this morning so obviously you stayed awake all night worrying about me.” he muttered with exasperation before releasing Connor’s hand.

Connor stared at Kevin with a strange look on his face before sitting opposite the boy and crossing his legs. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a single red feather.

Kevin gulped audibly, his extremely vivid hell dream shooting back to him as he stared at the reality that Connor was twirling in between his fingertips.

“I rushed here as soon as Naba had managed to terrify the travelling salesmen to hand you back without payment” Kevin’s mouth opened and shut like a goldfish, his eyebrows furrowing.

Connor waved a hand, an unconcerned look on his face. “Story for another day sweet” he redirected, failing to realise he’d slipped a pet name into their intimate conversation. Something he’d realised later than evening just before falling asleep.

“To see you laying here was devastating. I mean... I’ve already failed at leading a Mormon mission and then I can’t even keep track of a few men under my protection” Connor whispered, his voice wavering with unshed tears. Turning it off hadn’t worked and now he’d been lying on a regular basis. Heavenly father help him when his time came.

He smiled despite the tears in his eyes and raised the feather to their eye level. “This has always brought me luck. You need it more I think” Connor laughed hollowly, extending his delicate fingers to Kevin, keeping his eyes to himself. Lord even knew what the poor boys facial expression was. He probably believed his leader was clinically insane.

Fingers wrapped around his hand, encasing the feather and their hands together. The crackling tension was too much for Connor to bear as he finally lifted his gaze to the heated eyes of Elder Price, who seemed to be a lot closer than when he had sat.

“You... Just take the feather” he stammered, his heart jumping in his chest but something stirred inside of him when Kevin’s eyes flicked down to his lips and licked his own in response.

Ten seconds of heated gazes was the time it took Connor to breach the small gap between them and press his lips to Kevin’s. A fire lit inside him instantly, one that burned brighter than anything he had ever experienced, and he pressed himself closer until he was practically sitting on top on the younger man. It took a further twenty seconds for Connor to realise there wasn’t a response and he would engrave these stupid times into his memory and continuingly going over them to see if anything could be changed.

Connor pulled away, panic visible in his eyes as he swiped a hand across his lips which did nothing to stop the tingling on them. “I’m sorry Elder. That was completely inappropriate”

He fled the room, and consequently the house, before Kevin could even think to stop him. His first proper kiss and he’d ruined it by being stunned by how amazing Connor was. He buried his head in his hands and screamed with annoyance at himself.


	13. Despondant

Elder Poptarts whizzed around the mission, directing Elders and Sisters as he came upon them. In his mind everyone had to be involved with decorating, with whatever little resources they had, for Elder McKinley’s birthday party that evening. Everything had to be perfect, down to the last table decoration considering this was his first birthday with both their new religious strain and with all of the Elder’s he had brought to the church.

 

“How long left?” he yelled, expecting an immediate response and tutted when he didn’t receive one. Naba stood in the corner and indicated it was around an hour until Elder McKinley was due back and they could no longer distract him. Thanks to the excitable Arnold, who was glued to Naba’s side to prevent any further accidents, Elder McKinley as already aware of the details of the party but Elder Poptarts was not going to stop him putting any less effort in. In fact he’d upped his game somewhat. The place was decked with newspaper decorations and plastic containers that had been created and styled over the past week by the villagers and those within the mission. Watching all the Elder’s focus daily, becoming easily frustrated with the small dents and the mistakes was testament to the amount they all appreciated their leader.

 

Elder Ben burst in, giving most of those present the scare of their lives in the process, and handed a crate to Elder Poptarts with a grin that split his facade wide open.

 

“Hey Elder, this is the best stuff I could find. Thank me later” he preened, putting the crate down on the floor when the other Elder didn’t react and waltzing back out again.

 

The entire room stared at the box with trepidation before Elder Poptarts cleared his throat and glanced over to Naba and Arnold.

 

“Do we dare? I’m quite... concerned”

 

“Lemme open it! I love surprises!” Arnold yelled, pouncing on and opening the box before anyone could respond. An underwhelmed sigh was all that the box produced as Arnold pulled unlabeled bottles from it.

 

“What is it?” he pouted, holding a bottle up to the dimming sunlight and shaking it gently, causing small particles to float to the middle of the bottle.

 

Elder Poptarts sighed and snatched the bottle from Arnold, placing it back in with the rest of them. “It doesn’t matter right now, just keep going. We don’t have that long left” he berated before clapping his hands together and ushering them back to their tasks.

 

Another thirty minutes was spent perfecting the last few details before Naba signalled that he was close to the mission. He corrected a last few things in his panic, giving final instructions to those placed in their assigned positions before scurrying back to his hiding place and waiting in silence with the rest of them.

 

A shadow framed the doorway before it was joined by a second one. Their first few mutterings sounded friendly and conversational before they reached the opening.

 

“I need to speak to you”

 

Silence breached the gap before the second person, Elder Mckinley of course, let out a weary sigh. “Not tonight, Elder”

 

“Why not tonight?!”

 

“Because-”

 

“Surprise!” 

 

The boys jumped back, Elder Mckinley clutching his chest with a small, startled laugh before Elder Poptarts grabbed his elbow and pulled him into the room.

 

“Our leader, Elder Mckinley!” he yelled with glee, presenting his friend to the rest of the collected group as if he were an unforeseen present.

 

Connor blushed underneath the shadowy lighting, praying it wasn’t overly obvious. They’ kept exact details away from him, and subsequently mission big mouth Arnold, so it could be as much as a surprise as possible.

 

The room exploded with celebratory cheers, the other Elders all stepping forwards to shower Connor with hugs as the band began to play. The mission had never been so crowded in it’s short life in Uganda but the atmosphere was lighter and happier than it had been in a long time.

 

Connor covered his face as his blush spread, urging the colossal group to disperse slightly. He thanked heavenly father so many people cared for him but for them to watch him fall apart was a step too far.

 

He shook away his slight anxiety as he stepped towards Elder Poptarts, opening his arms to attempt to initiate a hug. The physical contact situation had been a huge step for some of the Elders and thanks to witnessing some terribly awkward things, he always made sure to display intent and waited for some kind of reassurance of neither of them freaking out.

 

“This place looks so different! You’ve done a great job” Connor grinned as he exited the tight hug and held the younger boys shoulders.

 

“A fab inspiration!” he smiled back as Connor stepped back and smoothed down his weekend wear. It was a strange concept that he wasn’t in the usual dress but it was the last step. As a fellow Elder had requested slightly more... toned down uniforms, they’d decided as a unit that there was no need to use them when not proselytizing. Understandable and, considering not many of them had plans for the future after the... incident, definitely needed if they were planning not to alienate the rest of the village again.

 

The rest of the evening went by in a blur of hugs and the occasional very odd present from the newest recruits into their religion. No matter how much he would attempt to refuse, they’d always appear next to him or as he found out later, they would be snuck into his room. Deciding to take a breath before he danced solo for his mission, he stepped outside and stared up into the inky darkness of the night sky. Before coming to Uganda, he had always appreciated the roof above his head but being in the middle of nowhere and being able to view the night sky interrupted and unpolluted was something he held close to him now.

 

He slid down and propped himself up on the crumbling mission wall, breathing deeply to try and calm his racing pulse. It wasn’t as if he had never danced in front of a crowd and he certainly had soloed before his parents took it away but this was different. Dance had always exposed him for what he was deep beneath even his conscious was aware but he’d kept one part of himself under lock and key for as long as he could remember. This time, it would show the world and his gathered friends that he had smoothed the wrinkles on his previously scrunched box and was opening the lid with the knowledge of hopeful acceptance. 

 

“You ready?” a voice murmured from the doorway before coming to offer him a hand, their smile gentle and noninvasive.

 

“As I’ll ever be” Connor smiled nervously back, refusing the offered hand from Elder James as he rose to his feet and attempted to side step the other Elder.

 

“I think they can wait a minute”

 

“Excuse me Elder”

 

“Connor” Elder James breathed, placing a hand on his shoulder gently. “Can you honestly say you don’t remember me”

 

Connor’s eyebrows furrowed as he pushed the hand away, turning on his heel and walking in the opposite direction in a desperate bid to get back into the mission another way.

“Wait Connor- it's taken so long but I guess it’s always been an eternity when waiting for you”

 

Connor froze, causing himself to stumble slightly as he looked back at the other man and surveyed him properly for the first time. Time had caused some light to escape him, well both of them it seemed, and he looked entirely worn out but beneath the exterior it was clear to see now.

 

“Steve... In heavenly father’s name” he breathed, closing his eyes against the rush of memories and emotions that hit him like a tidal wave, weakening his limbs to a point where he no longer stood as upright as he had before.

 

“I’m sorry”

 

“For what? What are you going to apologize first?!” Connor breathed through gritted teeth, counting slowly in his head and picturing his happy place. He was not one prone to anger but Steve was always going to be the one to bring that out of him after that betrayal.

 

“Everything- I promise it was-”

 

“I can’t listen to your excuses, Steve. I loved you and you ruined me” he whispered, roughly palming the treacherous tears that ran down his cheeks as he sprinted inside


	14. Reveal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!  
> Life has been petty hectic lately and I've been feeling fairly worried about coming to the end of this work so I've put it off a little. Either way, enjoy!  
> ~Elder_Mctapdance

Kevin stood in the middle of what had been the missionary meeting space a mere few hours ago before it had been transformed into this... it was particularly joyful. Not that Connor Mckinley didn’t inspire joy but it had been such a quick turnaround. All for one man who was mysteriously missing.

 

“Here Elder! You drink”

 

Kevin’s eyebrows furrowed as he glanced at the bottle being held energetically by Elder Ben, his movements overly exaggerated as he did so. Something was up.

 

“What is it?”

 

“No questions! It is my apology, friend. At least I did not kill you” he guffawed, slapping Kevin entirely too hard on the center of his back which caused him to stumble a few steps forwards. Kevin knew the Ugandans, they were persistent and sneaky. Best to give in now and to not find a bottle of it poured onto his breakfast in the morning. He took a sip, expecting a sweetness before being overcome by a quick bitter taste. He swallowed it down with a grimace, swiping a hand across his lips with desperation. Whatever the stuff was, it was abysmal.

 

A flurry of activity caught his eye in the corner as a tuft of ginger hair came into view quickly followed by the face of a slightly harrowed looking Connor. He averted his gaze as he took another swig of the bottle. Whatever the stuff was, it didn’t hurt him as much as the thoughts Connor was having of him after they’d last been in the same room. He still remembered every beautiful second. The boy was perfect and completely overwhelming in both his elegance and tenderness. Trust the graceful dance boy to put effort into everything he took a fancy to. Kevin shifted slightly, the memory stealing his breath as the memories migrated south and took a mind of their own. A slight gentle touch to his throbbing crotch was all it took for his dick to twitch urgently- as if it could sense the object of attraction in his sight. Just his luck. The only person he had genuinely honest feelings for just happened to be a man and, even in his egotistical mind, was extremely out of his league. One day he’d end up being the big man's number one angel- no damnation for him.

 

Connor abruptly stopped in the middle of the room, his eyes wide and panicked like a deer in headlights for a second. He breathed and within a second regained his composure and smiled brightly. Forever the perfectionist of turning it off in everyone’s eyes. Not in Kevin’s. He could still see the lingering panic in his features and the tenseness in his muscles. If anybody dared-

 

“Hey sunshine” a voice purred into his ear as they lowered onto the surface next to him. It was all the restraint in him not to move immediately but his mother always said manners cost nothing. That and all the stuff about homosexuality but he’d rather not think about that now.

 

“Not in the mood” Kevin grunted out, sipping from the bottle again as he refused to avert him gaze. Connor seemed to be talking quietly to Naba, gesturing every now again before breaking away from her with the first genuine smile he had seen in awhile.

 

“A-All I wanted to do was chat” she whispered despondently, toying with a piece of loose thread on her outfit. Her mum had kept pushing her to take smart clothes with her ‘just in case’. Of course the one time she didn’t look shapeless the one man she was looking to impress wasn’t in the mood.

 

“Alright everyone!” A voice called the room to attention, ceasing the mumbles of chatter in the room. Arnold, of course they just went for the loudest one, stood next to his girlfriend and a bashful looking Connor. Poptarts rounded up the line up, his hand pressed comfortingly on Connor’s shoulder.

 

“Now some of us have been extremely lucky to watch our great leader in action but with everything lately, a celebration of anything was unlikely. Elder Mckinley has prepared something especially for us after some gentle persuasion”

 

A ripple of laughter spread across the room before all of the attention was once again focused back on Connor. In the short time the room had taken their eyes from him, he had completely changed. His eyes had gained back the familiar spark he had whilst talking about his passion, his limbs seemingly already gentle and full of grace even before he had started to dance.He’d stripped down to an old pair of lower temple garments they’d managed to dye black and the top which had the sleeves torn off.

 

The band in the corner started quietly and slowly gained presence within the room but they would never be enough to take eyes from Connor. His movements were perfection- pure but ridiculously sordid. His aura screamed to be noticed and counted for, a resistance he didn’t have when he spoke and lead the Elders. Strength. The music swelled and a voice began to sing softly in Swahili, sharpening the dagger that had wedged within his throat when Connor had began. Kevin stood abruptly and marched out, drawing in a shuddering breath as he drew a hand through his hair. This was the end of Kevin the perfectionist, if he ever existed. Now was the dawn of the Kevin that was completely and totally in love with his mission leader and couldn’t do anything about it. 

 

Connor came to a stop, allowing himself a second to breath and take in the silence before the room erupted. He tilted his head up, a grin coming naturally to his lips as he swiped at his damp forehead. He had done it. Proven something to himself and-

 

“Where did Kevin go?”

 

Naba drew a lip into her mouth and bit on it slowly for a moment before taking a breath. “He walked out when I began singing”

 

Connor would have sworn then if he wasn’t a man of the church but then again he was also a man in love with another man of the church so he couldn’t really talk. All the work he’d put in just to be left feeling emptier than before.

 

“He felt it”

 

Connor shook his head in retaliation, refusing to believe that Kevin had felt the love and acceptance he’d put into his dance and just ran. If he couldn’t admit what Connor was conveying was right then he wasn’t ready. Connor had had so many years of turning it off that now he could see a future where he was happy was actually reachable whilst being... gay.

 

“I-I’m going to do it” He murmured confidently to Naba before nodding at Arnold to get the room under control after his performance.

 

The room went completely silent and he coughed gently as he spread his arms towards the gathered.

 

“I’m gay. I like men”

 

The room remained quiet for a minute, several of the newer converts glancing at each other with disgusted looks on their faces. Connor was aware homosexulaity was still a touchy subject here but this was for him. Not them.

 

Elder Poptarts came up and was the first to break the abysmal silence that had fallen since his little ...announcement. He embraced Connor without restraint, allowing him to let out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding. He let him go with a last squeeze and a quick pat to the shoulder.

 

“For years, I’ve hidden who I really am. I’ve turned it off so often I’m pretty sure the switch is broken which means I couldn’t use it any more even if I wanted to. I can’t dim and I can’t crush any boxes because there are none. Anything that happens in your life is worthy of emotion, regardless of your religion. Mormonism took the expression from the bad things that happen and changed it to bad. Emotion means you’re human and for me, being gay is part of who I always have been and always will be.”

 

He glanced around the room once more, looking between those that looked terrified and those that looked inspired before a vice like grip burned into the flesh of his shoulder.

 

“I paid good money for you to stop being a faggot and this is what you do?!” A voice spat as he was turned to face the culprit of the grip.

 

“Dad” Connor breathed, his fists curling up as he began to feel the fear running down his spine. His mother stood next to his father, bawling quietly into the white silken handkerchief as she refused to look towards her only son.

 

“Just when we were getting over the disgrace of our son being discommunicated, you go against all of your hard work to turn towards the devil again?!”

 

His father rained a quick slap to his face before grabbing his shoulder and frog marching him from the room, personally threatening each and every person who dared to cross his path


	15. Addict

Kevin breathed the night in for a second before straightening up and turning to watch the rest of Connor’s performance from the doorway. This couldn’t work. What did this make him? He’d spent so many years of his life living up to what his parents wanted from him, ticked every box that was put in front of him and now he’d been turned on his head. He was in love with a man before he even knew what he himself was.

 

Connor came to a gentle finish before lifting his head and flashing a dazzling smile towards the audience. His flimsy clothing was clinging to him like a second skin sending poor Kevin’s mind into a million different circumstances as a panic began to overtake him again. How...How were his parents going to react? They would be fine. Or disown him. Either way. Kevin Price was never unsure about anything in his life before he met this heavenly visage of Connor McKinley.

 

As his eyes began to focus once more and his breathing slowed, he came back into reality to hear panic erupt in the room behind him, several people beginning to cause a scuffle. Kevin stepped back into the room and surveyed the ensuing commotion with Elder Poptarts trying, and ultimately failing, to contain the various assortment of people there.

 

“What happened?!”

 

Elder Poptarts shook his head once, his face becoming paler each second whilst he attempted to calm the crowd down.

 

“Naba!” Kevin yelled over the din before stopping in his tracks and checking the room over thoroughly for any signs of red hair. Nothing.

 

“What happened? Please tell me Con’s okay” he begged, placing his hands on her shoulders and shaking her with frustration.

 

“He-” she started, her small body visibally shaking. “His father found him Kevin. He had just finished telling us that he was... That he’d finally realised he was gay. It was my fault. I am so sorry”

 

Her small frame began to rack with sobs as Arnold folded her into a quick embrace, murmuring something into her ear as he did so. Whatever had happened must have been hard to watch if even Arnold was shocked into silence

 

“Where did he go?”

 

Arnold raised his head from their embrace and shook his head. “He took him with him, home wherever that is.”

 

Kevin’s face dropped, digging his nails into his palm enough to cause marks to score his skin. This was not how he wanted their... their friendship to end. A man who could be convinced to send his son into a conversion camp in the first place wasn’t going to take well to a sudden declaration it hadn’t worked.

 

“I-I need to find him. He can’t-”

 

Kevin cut himself off, beginning to pace the small floor room that he had now that Elder Thomas had calmed the situation to an undercurrent of unease. Heavenly father only knew what happened in these situations but he seemed to be the one most eligible to take over from Connor. Kevin knew he would almost certainly become a loose cannon of some sort now, being the one that had been closest to the mission leader.

 

“Buddy, you couldn’t have stopped anything” Arnold frowned, placing a hand on his shoulder. Kevin wasn’t used to being the person that was comforted. Kevin Price was strong, no matter what anyone said. He was going to find where Connor was if his life depended on it. And it did.

 

\--

 

A week of searching through any evidence they could find in Connor’s old office, his bedroom, even his god damned makeshift dance studio and nothing. There was no trace of where Connor had come from or where he was going back to- it was as if he had given up all semblance of life outside of Africa. Kevin didn’t blame him considering how terrible his upbringing must of been if his parents weren’t aware of his sexuality or had just blocked the thought. He didn’t want to admit it but he had given up a large amount of the hope he had when he’d started the endless search for Connor which consisted of all fifty states. He did not have a single clue. He was lost which is probably why he ended up where he did, again.

 

“Are you going to be here all day?!”

 

Kevin laughed slightly louder than meaning to, tossing the remainder of his coffee into the back of his throat and slamming it back down onto the makeshift table.

 

“Again!”

 

“Do you need anymore Elder?”

 

Kevin snorted and stood up from his stool abruptly, looming towards the surly girl that was behind the counter.

 

“I used to believed I deserved the world. Me. Kevin Price. Look where that got me!”

 

He flopped back onto the chair despondently, slapping down another I.O.U to the girl who curled her lip at him with disgust.

 

“You would have loved me when I was in America Naka...Nakakaka...NanKandy?” he squinted, attempting to read the poorly scrawled name on the ‘Tips’ jar.

 

“Nakakande” she spat

 

“Right, Right” he waived her off, picking back the flimsy cup she had refilled and taking a hefty swig before continuing.

 

“I had it all. I was- and still am- gorgeous and I was good at what I did and I was respected and I could have had  _ anyone  _ I wanted”

 

The girl scoffed and turned her back, resuming a clean up job for the five minutes it would take the strange white boy to finish his coffee. They were always strange she found.

 

“No! I just had to be posted to a mission in the middle of goddamned nowhere where the heat is enough to melt your brains and the mission leader makes you fall in love with him!”

 

Kevin sat back, defeated. It was painful knowing that Connor had already flown back to their native country without even having a chance to say goodbye. How he’d ever find him was beyond what he could imagine. The coffee wasn’t even helping anymore, it was just increasing his heart rate and making him feel sweaty. He didn’t feel alive anymore.

 

“Kevin”

 

A voice spoke from behind him and for a glorious second it sounded like Connor. He closed his eyes against the sudden burst of pain and longing to see him again.

 

“Alright buddy?” A hand landed on his shoulder, meaty and completely sweat covered. The boy was too nice to him after every time he fucked up.

 

“Hey” he whispered back, downing the last of his coffee and slamming it down to the makeshift bar. He may not feel alive but he needed to feel something- even though at this point it was mostly nausea. 

 

“You can’t keep running from your problems to the coffee Kevin”

 

“Coffee’s never made me sad” he mused, prodding at the rows of empty cups as he looked back.

 

“It’s because you’re making it into a bigger-” he cut himself off for a second before continuing “crutch is what they used to say to me”

 

“Hmm?” 

 

“Lying is bad-” Kevin laughed at the reference to his conversation with Connor. “And I used it when things got bad for me so it made everything worse”

 

He nodded along to his friend, his mind still wandering off in search of hidden memories with Connor. Could he have said anything at any point about his home life? Nothing that came from his own mouth really.

 

“-Naba tracked him down to the next village over. She has a lot more connections thanks to us” Arnold beamed, his cheeks reddening slightly.

 

“You found him?!”

 

Arnold looked at him apologetically, the sides reversed once again. “She found Elder James after he ran out at the party and never looked back.”

 

Kevin’s mind whirled slightly, plans coming into fruition as he thought of them. This was going to be one of the most stupid things he had ever done but it was worth it. Even if Connor never wanted to see him again he had to get him away from those who had caused him to ‘turn it off’ for so long.

“I know”

 

Kevin stood from the stool and looked straight at his unlikely friend and nodded his head once.

 

“We’re coming”

 

He blanched suddenly, his mind slowing to a gentle standstill. “What?”

 

“Me and Naba are coming with you to America. You’re going to need us either way-” Arnold glared at him menacingly as he attempted to interrupt. “And we need to sort everything with the church”

 

“But I-”

 

“No buts Kevin, no matter how big” Arnold snickered before continuing. “I am your best friend and best friends are there for each other”

 

Kevin would never admit it to this day but his eyes filled with unshed tears as he pulled his friend into a breath- stealing hug.

 

Arnold hit him on the back several times before his arms loosened and he was able to take  proper breath.

 

A smile exploded his features. “Let’s go get your man back buddy”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovelies!  
> I am so terrified to finally finish this part of the story honestly. I am also proud of myself for actually finishing something I set out to do more than 6 months ago after seeing Book of Mormon for the second time. If you have any comments, please please don't hesitate to write them! My writing is nothing if I can't make you guys smile and getting some response about how much you enjoyed it makes me so digustingly excited.
> 
> If you hadn't realised by the massive cliff hanger, there shall be another part as it'll be kind of a series? Haven't worked out the semantics yet. Just keep an eye out on this story/my author page/ my Tumblr for updates!
> 
> Thank you for those who have waited out my weird upload schedules
> 
> ~Elder Mctapdance


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